Enough Is Enough
by loverofeevee
Summary: This story will be M rated. There is a bit of slash, not detailed. Some bad language. A bit of gore. A heaping of demented house elves and a crazy powerful Harry. The Goblins have decided enough is enough and help Harry overcome Dumbledore's manipulations. This is going to be fun.
1. Chapter 1

_Ok people this one's a doozy. Big old M rating on this. There will be slash. There will be gore. And there will be humour (well, that's up to the readers to decide). Harry goes a little stir crazy in this. I'm making this up as I go along so I have no idea, besides Dumbledore and Voldermort, who the bad guys and the good guys will be._

_This is set after Sirius dies (I know, way too many stories like this)._

Enough Is Enough

Harry lay on his rickety bed taking deep breaths as he assessed the situation. His arm was broken in at least two places. A few of his ribs were also broken or at least cracked. His head was pounding and there were bruises and belt wounds practically everywhere.

Thank you Order of the Phoenix.

His thoughts were dark as he recalled their "talk" with his oh so loving family. Like threatening Vernon would really help. Worse still now his relatives knew Sirius wasn't going to hunt them down if they overstepped the line.

Sirius.

The ache in Harry's chest suddenly had nothing to do with his injuries. How could he have been so stupid?! He should have known. From day one in that blasted school he should have known he was being led around on a string. A merry old dance. And now the prophesy. Sirius' death took the cake though. Harry was through being the nice guy. He was through listening to the old goat formerly known as Dumbledore. First thing he'd do when he was able was find out as many swear words in different languages so he can scream them out loud without punishment. Of course the old goat probably knew most languages. Still, it would make Harry feel better. Screaming the swears he knew into his pathetic excuse for a pillow helped a little. He was angry. Angry at himself, angry at the world. He was even angry as his friends.

Harry snorted, ignoring his protesting ribs. Yeah he was angry. But what could he really do about it? If he played up they'd call him a rebellious teenager. If he screamed and swore and lashed out they'd give him that "I'm disappointed in you" look.

Screw them all.

He started to imagine all the fun ways he could torture people. Strangely enough for most males he was having no trouble thinking of the largest possession they owned, and ramming it up where the sun don't shine.

Ron's would be his broom.

So would Draco's for that matter.

Lucius would be that damned walking cane. Snake end first.

Snape's would be every single stirrer there was in the school. Then if there was any room left his wand would join them.

If Fawkes forgave him then Dumbledore's would be the Phoenix's stand.

He wondered if he could freeze Nagini ramrod straight for Voldermort.

His entertaining musing was interrupted by a tapping on the window. Harry glanced over to see an owl with a Gringotts sash perched on the windowsill. He groaned as he heaved himself off the bed and made his way over. Another thought came to him as he opened the window enough to let the owl in.

Damn that old goat for keeping Hedwig.

He took the letter and dug out some coins to pay the owl who hooted and flew off. Closing the window he made his way back to the bed.

What could Gringotts want with him? Was something wrong with his vault?

Just as he was about to open it there was a burst of fire and Fawkes appeared on his desk.

Harry looked at the phoenix suspiciously.

'Hey Fawkes. I guess Dumbledore wants to make sure I'm being a good little puppet?'

The bird trilled quietly at him and the image of shoving Fawkes' stand up the old goat's ass jumped back into his head. Snorting Harry took the note and thanked the phoenix. Fawkes looked at him, and with another trill, this one sounding suspiciously like laughter, he flamed away.

Harry was so sure that the bird had agreed with his thoughts.

Shaking his head in amusement he opened the old goat's letter.

_Dear Harry_

_I trust that you are well and that your aunt and uncle are helping you through this time of loss._

_As you know I've taken the liberty of leaving Hedwig with Hagrid. It's unsafe for her to be flying back and forth to you and your friends._

_On that note I must ask that you not contact anyone another way as it could be tracked back to you. I have let your friends know to give you time to grieve and not to contact you. With Voldermort back the wizarding world is not safe so I implore you to stay in your aunt's home and under the protection of the blood wards._

_I may be able to get you out for a couple of days on your birthday to see your friends._

_You may be contacted by Gringotts asking you to come to the bank. These letters are to be ignored as the goblins don't realise that to leave would be dangerous for you. Not to worry as I will go on your behalf and explain this to them and make sure your school vault is kept up to order._

_Albus Dumbledore._

That phoenix perch just turned into a dragon's perch.

How. Dare. That. Bastard!

Harry was glad his relatives were out as he snarled and ripped the letter to shreds.

Ignore them my ass!

He snatched the Gringotts letter and tore it open.

_Dear Mr Potter_

_First off, Gringotts owes you an apology for a serious breach of trust. We have noticed abnormalities with your finances and have begun an investigation into this activity. We would also like to offer you our help._

_Secondly we offer a heartfelt apology for the loss of your godfather. The reading of his Will will be in a few days time and it is imperative you are there. There will be plenty of "fireworks" which you may find amusing and we do not wish for you to miss it._

_We have been kept up to date on your, shall we say adventures, and we have decided enough if enough. Normally we don't involve ourselves in the affairs of wizards but your family are one of our oldest customers and our pride and honour will no longer allow us to watch as you are led astray._

_This letter will act as a portkey which will take you straight to the director's office where we will explain everything. The password is Honour Bound._

_We suggest you pack everything you own as you may not be returning._

_Ragnarok, Director of Gringotts._

Harry must have read it four times before he realised what it was. The goblins want to help. There was something wrong with his money. Dumbledore didn't want him going to Sirius' Will reading. The goblins want to help. Someone wanted to help him. Someone knew what he was going through in school and knew something was wrong.

Hell yes he'll be there!

He scrambled around, wincing when his injuries reminded him to calm down, and grabbed his things. He deliberately stomped downstairs and booted at his cupboard until it splintered and fell open, dragging out his trunk and hauling it upstairs.

That felt good.

He threw everything inside and grabbed the letter.

'Honour Bound!'

And that was the last time Harry Potter was seen at Privet Drive. Well…the second last.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing he noticed was that goblins had very good taste. The second thing was that portkey travel with injuries was not a good idea.

'Welcome Mr Potter. My name is Ragnarok and I am the di…Good Frith Mr Potter! Are you ok!?'

Harry groaned and picked himself up.

'I'm fine. A pain potion would go a long way though'.

The director immediately called for medical help and had the young lad whisked to the goblin infirmary. As Harry was treated Ragnarok paced, thanking all things natural that the boy got to them in time. Four magic restraining blocks! And a horcruxe in his head! It was a wonder the boy wasn't a squib. Or dead. Damn that Dumbledore!

An hour later the two were back in the office. Harry had never felt better. Whoever said goblins were inferior needed their head examined. Preferably by a goblin.

'Now then Mr Potter. That was one way of getting our attention' Ragnarok said, casting his eye over the healed young wizard. The blocks would remain until he had permission to remove them. Somehow he didn't think Harry would put up a fight.

Harry gave a small grin and rubbed his head.

'Yeah. Sorry about that Sir. My "loving" uncle wasn't happy at being threatened by wizards'.

The director frowned, then pushed the thought to the side and brought out a bundle of papers.

'Right then. That particular issue will need to be seen to. For now I have your finance papers to go over. As I said in the letter there were abnormalities with your money. Mainly the amount being taken out at odd intervals. Your guardian, Albus Dumbledore, should have been passing on bank statements to you since you turned eleven. Your expression tells me this is not the case. We believe _someone_ has been tampering or attempting to tamper with your vaults. We have our suspicions, but we feel it is time you were involved'.

Harry sat in silence, furiously swearing in his head. The old goat had a lot to answer for.

'Wait. You said vaults. I've only got one' he suddenly said.

Ragnarok narrowed his eyes, cursing a certain headmaster.

'You have far more than one, Mr Potter. In fact the main reason you're here is to claim your inheritance and thus the rest of your vaults. Off the top of my head in your Potter vaults I'd say you have few million galleons. And I believe you have a few surprises when we do the inheritance test. You are one of our richest customers, Mr Potter'.

Now Harry wasn't greedy. In fact people could say he was the opposite. He would happily give all his money away to those in need. But right now there was only one thought running through his head.

Holy mother of shit I'm a millionaire!

'Right. So…you mentioned something about a test' he squeaked out.

Ragnarok grinned, showing his pointed teeth.

'Indeed. I have everything ready for you. First though I have here your parent's Wills. As well as Lord Black's. I suggest you read through them'.

Slowly Harry took the three letters from the goblin. He opened his mother's first.

_I Lily Potter nee Evans, being of sound mind, execute my last will and testament._

_Dear Harry_

_If you are reading this then I am so sorry baby but I've passed on. From the very moment you were conceived I have loved you with all my heart, and I always will. I leave you all my belongings and any money that I have. I also leave you my eternal love. Your father's Will has a list of people you were to be go to should both of us pass on. I hope that you have met each of them and are happy wherever you are living. I also hope you are keeping out of mischief but I daresay that is an idle wish with Sirius as your godfather._

_All my love_

_Lily Potter nee Evans_

Furiously wiping away tears Harry dove into his father's before he started bawling his head off.

_I James Potter, being of sound mind, execute my last will and testament._

_Dear Harry_

_If you are reading this then I have passed on. I hope that your mother is still with you but I suspect that may not be the case. I felt like the happiest man on earth when you were born. It was the first time I've seen Sirius cry and we've been ribbing on him since. I of course refrained from telling him that before he came in I was sobbing like a baby._

_The war is on us and we have gone into hiding to keep you protected from Voldermort. He is an evil wizard who because of a prophesy wants to see you dead. The headmaster of Hogwarts Albus Dumbledore has placed us under a fidelius with a secret keeper which should hide us from the threat. Something doesn't feel right though so I implore you to remember that Peter Pettigrew is our secret keeper and __**not**__ Sirius Black. I hope it doesn't come to it but I fear we may not have long to live. Know that I will fight until my last breath to protect you and your mother._

_If your mother is alive then I leave her all the vaults which are to be passed to you when you are of age. If we have both died then I am so sorry for failing you and I leave the care of the vaults to your guardian again to be handed to you when you are of age._

_You are to be left with your godfather Sirius Black should anything happen to your mother and I. If he is for some reason not available then you are to go to the following people in the following order:_

_Remus Lupin_

_Frank and Alice Longbottom (Alice is your godmother)_

_The family Bones_

_If none of these families are available then you are to go to a magical orphanage. I hope that it doesn't come to that as any of these families would care for you as they would their own children._

_Under no circumstances are you to go to the Dursley family. You of course will have the choice to visit them but I don't recommend it. They hate magic of any kind and I fear their reaction if you looked them up._

_Know that no matter what you do I am proud of you son._

_Lord James Potter._

Any thoughts of crying flew out the window, replaced by a white hot rage. He needed a new name for Dumbledore. Old goat just wasn't cutting it. He **knew** Harry wasn't supposed to go to the Dursleys. He** knew** that Pettigrew was the secret keeper. He could have done something about Sirius from the start and he didn't.

Oh Harry was not a happy wizard.

Taking a deep breath he opened the final letter.

_I Sirius Orion Black, being of sound mind (No laughing!) execute my last will and testament._

_Harry_

_Sorry pup. If you're reading this then I've gone and done something stupid and got myself killed. Remus will tell you I have a habit of doing stupid things. Take care of him Harry. Don't let him fade into grief. And don't let yourself either. It was my fault. I don't know what happened but it's always my fault. I'll be getting an earful from your mother over this while your father sits back and laughs at my suffering._

_Moony old friend you're getting two million from me. Spend it well (and by that I mean get some good clothes and live your life!) Keep an eye on our pup for me._

_Nymphadora (Ha I can say it now!) you and your mother are hereby reinstated back into the family and I leave you both two million each._

_Fred, George you've made this old dog proud. I'm leaving you two million and I want you to spend it making the world laugh._

_Narcissa I feel you got the bad end of the stick with your marriage. Please see the new Lord Black should you decide to leave blondie. If you do then I'm leaving you two million._

_Arthur I'm leaving you and your family two million. Treat yourselves. Also I have a letter to give to you personally. _

_Bellatrix I'm kicking you out of the family and dissolving your marriage. Take that you crazy bitch!_

_Albus I've been looking into your "dealings" with Harry and I don't like what I saw. I'm leaving you a bag of knuts and giving you some friendly advice. Leave my pup alone._

_Draco I always hoped you got your mother's brains but I guess that was wishful thinking. I'm leaving you a bag of knuts and a warning. Learn to think for yourself or you'll end up under Voldie's Crucio._

_Last but not least. To my godson Harry, I'm leaving you the title of Lord Black, make sure you thumb your nose at Draco, and everything else I own. Don't beat yourself up for my stupidity and have fun with your life. Merlin knows you need it._

_Sirius Orion Black_

Harry couldn't decide whether or not to laugh or cry. He settled on choked laughter as tears ran down his face.

Ragnarok gave the boy a few moments to compose himself before continuing.

'The requests your godfather made towards others will be enacted at the reading. However for yourself we can continue today. Just place three drops of blood onto this parchment and it will show what you are entitled to'.

Harry had his finger pricked before the director finished speaking.

_Name: Harry James Potter_

_Inheritance Titles:_

_Potter by birth (Father)_

_Gryffindor by birth (Father)_

_Ravenclaw by birth (Mother)_

_Hufflepuff by birth (Father)_

_Merlin by birth (Father)_

_Black by Right of Name_

_Slytherin by conquest_

'Slytherin by conquest! Wait, Ravenclaw on my mother's side! But she's a muggleborn? Holy Merlin I'm the heir to the founders! Holy Merlin I'm the heir to Merlin!'

Ragnarok sat watching in amusement. He knew there would be surprises. Granted some of them were a surprise even to him but who was he to complain. As the questions kept coming he brought out the Potter family papers.

I can answer most of those questions here and now Mr Potter. Godric Gryffindor married Helga Hufflepuff and joined their lines. Somewhere down Rowena Ravenclaw's line her family was cursed to be squibs. Your mother is the first witch since then. Merlin was of Godric's line and in fact I believe was a Slytherin while attending Hogwarts. Slytherin by conquest means that you have defeated the true heir of Slytherin and thus are entitled to take his place which automatically casts him out' he explained.

'So then Mr Potter. I'll assume you wish to continue with your inheritance?' he then asked.

Harry slumped back down and stared at the Goblin dumbly.

Then, slowly, a grin started to form. It got wider and more evil as Harry realised just what he could do with all that power.

Ragnarok thought goblins were the only being that could freak people out with their grins.

'Yes. I would very much like to continue' Harry said.

The director nodded and called for another goblin. A few words in gobbledygook had the smaller goblin rush out and return with a pile of boxes.

'I believe you will like this, Mr Potter'.

Within each box was a ring. Ragnarok explained that each ring would assess Harry's worth and if accepted they would shrink to fit and Harry would be granted lordship over that house. By trying on the Potter ring first he would also become emancipated.

That was fine by Harry.

He felt a prick as the Potter ring assessed him, before it then shrunk to fit his index finger. A sudden rush of power engulfed him. He began to remember things his previous family members knew. Parts of his mind that use to be jumbled rearranged and put themselves into order. The new information slotted nicely into place and Harry blinked as spells, curses, hexes and other goodies he'd never heard of found a place in his head.

If this happened with each ring would that class him as the smartest wizard in the world, or the darkest?

'Everything ok Lord Potter?' Ragnarok asked with a grin.

Harry grinned back after everything calmed down in his head.

'Yep. All great. And you can just call me Harry'.

'Well then I insist you call me Ragnarok. Now then, are you ready for the next one?' the director replied.


	3. Chapter 3

Several hours later, which was in fact several minutes later in real time as Ragnarok explained when Harry suddenly realised people would notice his disappearance, they were finished. Four rings sat snugly on Harry's fingers, the founder's rings combining when the last was placed. The blocks, courtesy of Dumbledore, were removed and the horcruxe, which when told of left Harry pale, was moved to a pig which was then slaughtered for a feast.

Harry and Ragnarok discussed for some time what to do with the vaults. They eventually decided that Godric's vault, that is vault number one, would be used to combine every other vault. With that done the director offered himself to manage it and they both went down to do a bit of sightseeing.

And boy what a sight it was.

Countless galleons lay amongst jewels, weapons, armour, books… Harry felt he could swim through the stuff and never find the bottom or the edges. He and Ragnarok spent a grand old time sorting it out and figuring out what Harry personally should take. They also discussed what he should do with his numerous properties and shares he had in a number of businesses.

Finally everything was finished. Harry decided to take with him a very special trunk made by Merlin himself that could shrink to fit on his belt. Anything he needed from it he could call for and it would come out and un-shrink. By touching the crest and saying a password he would be brought inside to a massive space. Inside were bookshelves, cupboards, a wardrobe, larder and cabinets. Within these Harry put each and every book there was in the vault, as well as just about everything else that wasn't money or jewels. There was a cabinet especially for potions, equipment and ingredients. A cabinet for weapons, armour and weapon care kits. The cupboards had a pensive, quidditch set, wand care kit and plenty of other fun stuff. All done with wizard space. And the forty bookshelves, thanks to wizard space, could hold up to five thousand books each. Harry even had a cosy corner to place furniture. Some food and new clothes and he could live there forever if need be. It was charmed to be invisible and if he wished he could bring others inside as well. He could even decorate it however he wanted.

Thanks to his new memories he knew that every property he owned had been stripped of assets which were placed in the vault, with the exception of Grimmauld Place. He unfortunately also realised that many of the house elves than ran the properties had died out. He had a total of five elves left. As sad as this was Harry felt that it was better to have less instead of more. Considering which properties he was keeping there really wasn't any need for more. However one elf in particular he couldn't wait to get rid of. Kreacher was nothing more than a pain in the ass.

Any properties or land he didn't want the goblins bought. Most of the shares he had were kept but a few dark arts shares he also sold off to the goblins. Harry checked over the list they had finalised.

_Properties:_

_Black island with cottage (good for holidays)_

_Grimmauld Place (home for Remus once redecorated and undesirables kicked out?)_

_Potter Manor (main home)_

_4 Privet Drive (those bastards!)_

_Shares:_

_Weasley Wizard Wheezes 100%_

_Quality Quidditch Supplies 100%_

_Magical Menagerie 100%_

_Grunnings 100% (oh how much fun he was going to have with this)_

_Daily Prophet 98% (and this)_

_Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour 90%_

_Madam Malkin's Robes For All Occasions 70%_

_Flourish & Blotts 60%_

_Ollivander's 50%_

He grinned and nodded. He was happy with this. He was already imagining his relative's faces when they realised he not only owned their house but Vernon's business as well. He had plans for them.

He also had plans for Dumbledore and the Weasleys. The headmaster, Molly, Ron and Ginny were stealing from him! Ron was paid to befriend him and Ginny was put in place to be his wife. Too bad he played for the other side.

'Ragnarok, I don't know how to thank you. You've literarily changed my life and I will always be grateful'.

'Think nothing of it Harry. Now I know you've got a lot of things to do so I will bid you farewell. May your enemy's blood stain your blade' the goblin replied with a grin.

'And may your gold forever be flowing' Harry replied with a bow.

Ragnarok bowed back and watched as the young Lord left. He couldn't wait to hear of the changes Harry would make for the Wizarding world.


	4. Chapter 4

With his new trunk shrunk on his belt, a bottomless bag of money, and a face glamour in place, Harry made his way to the first stop of the day. Madam Malkin was almost giddy when the young man walked in and paid a year's worth of wages in a day. Harry left in his new Acromantula silk robes with an entire wardrobe measured to fit. Feeling pleased with himself he headed to the next destination, then the next. Half a day later he'd almost wiped out the shops but left them rolling in cash. The Magical Menagerie was particularly interesting. Harry bought a fair few critters that would make Hagrid so proud of him. There was:

Ash the Ashwinder

Ruff the young Manticore

Tuff the young Griffin

Digger the Crup

Spook the Demiguise

Sapphire the Jobberknoll

Karma the Kneazle

He would also pick up Buckbeak from Grimmauld Place. This left him with a slight problem. He was standing there with seven critters, three of which were classed as dangerous, two as very dangerous, and no way of getting all of them to Potter Manor. Considering he hadn't even spoken yet to the elves there he felt this wasn't the best way to make introductions.

Then he had a brainwave.

'Dobby!'

The pop signalled his excitable little friend.

'Master Harry called for Dobby?'

'Yes. I was hoping you'd give me a hand. I sorta got all these here pets and no way of getting them to Potter Manor' Harry said sheepishly.

'Oh Dobby would very much want to help! But Dobby can only go to Potter Manor if Dobby was Harry Potter's elf. Dobby is sorry!'

Harry watched as the elf's eyes went wide and watery at the thought of not being able to help. Now how could he say no to that?

'Dobby I thought you wanted to be free?'

'Oh Dobby is so happy to be free from old masters! But Dobby would really like to be Harry Potter's elf. All Harry Potter needs to do is say he wants Dobby for an elf and Dobby will complete the bond'.

Well anything to get rid of the watery pout. He should take lessons.

'Very well Dobby. I Harry James Potter do hereby take Dobby as my house elf'.

A glow completed the bond and Dobby, after hugging Harry in tears, popped away with the critters. Shaking his head in amusement Harry headed towards his final destination.

'Daft elf'.

Weasley Wizard Wheezes was jumping. Clearly the twins were making their money on this. They'd even hired help. Harry squeezed past group of hyper children and exhausted adults as he hunted for the mischievous twosome. He found them at the back.

What by Merlin are they wearing?!

Harry rubbed his eyes and grinned as he went over.

'What can we do for you…'

'My good Sir' they asked.

'Well. I was hoping you'd have time to speak with your investor for a while?' Harry replied with an innocent look.

He quickly found himself whisked into the back room.

'Harry!' the twins yelled happily.

Laughing Harry dropped his glamour and hugged the two.

'Guys the shop is great! I knew you were worth the investment'.

'Wouldn't have done it…'

'Without our little Harrykins' they replied.

'We're sorry about Sirius' George then said solemnly.

'Yeah. He was a great guy' Fred followed.

Harry smiled sadly and nodded.

'Yeah he was. Thanks guys. I really miss him'.

'So, how come you're not at those relatives of yours?' George then asked.

'Not that it's the best place for you' Fred continued with a frown.

Harry gave an evil grin.

'Well boys. Have I got news for you'.

This perked the twins up and they herded him into a chair, sitting on the floor with their hands on their chins and wide eyed like children.

'Do tell!'

Harry quickly cast some wandless silencing and privacy spells, much to the awe of the twins, and sat back to explain.

Half an hour later and the twins were not very amused.

'Harry we had no idea our mum was stealing from you'.

'Nor did we about Ron and Ginny'.

'That old goat Dumbledore I can't believe he involved our family like that!'

'Harry we're sorry about all this. We'll do anything to make it up to you'.

'It's ok guys. I know you weren't in on it. I'm hoping those three were the only ones in on it. Bill and Charlie are great and Arthur's always treated me like a son. Granted Percy's a prat but that's just Percy' Harry said sadly.

'We'll make sure Harry' Fred said.

'Yeah Harry. I can't see dad having anything to do with this' George followed.

'Or Bill or Charlie. I'm sure they're ok' Fred finished.

'I'm sure they're ok as well. And none of you needs to do anything if you weren't the ones that stole from me' Harry said.

He then started chewing nervously on his lip.

'Although… I was hoping you two would perhaps do something else for me?'

'Anything Harry' they said together.

Harry smirked a little and brought out a bag full of galleons.

'Well… Your mother was so looking forward to a wedding. I thought…maybe…I could use this bride money…to pay for you two?'

He fought desperately not to fall to the floor laughing at the twin's expressions. Perhaps he didn't need lessons from Dobby after all.

'Wait, so let's get this right…'

'Harry Potter, Lord of the Potter family…'

'The founder's heir. Descendant of Merlin…'

'Wants us as marriage partners?'

Harry wondered if the metamorphmagus gene was in the Weasley blood. The twins had changed enough colours in those few moments it would make Tonks jealous.

'That is correct. Do you want me to sweeten the deal?'

They stared at him blankly. Perhaps he'd broke them.

'Alright let me be honest. You two are the reason I turned away from girls. You're both funny, protective of family, considerate towards others and you don't buy into this pureblood are better shit. Plus you're incredibly hot. I really wish you'd kept your hair long.

The thing is, once word gets out how many titles I hold women will be coming from all corners of the wizarding world to get a piece of me. And I know it will have nothing to do with my looks. It would be really good if I had someone, well two someones to shield me from that.

There's also the matter that as of this morning I've let real Harry Potter out, and he's horny as hell. I really could use help with calming that down'.

Yep, he'd definitely broke them. Harry sighed and stood up.

'I guess I jumped into this without thinking about you guys. It really was good seeing your shop, and knowing you weren't involved with the stealing. I'll give you the floo address once I get to Potter Manor, I gotta get the password first. Sorry'.

He had his hand on the door when two pairs of arms wound round his waist.

'Oh Lord Potter…'

'You are a naughty boy aren't you?' the twins purred.

He turned to look at them.

'Wait…You're ok with this?'

His answer was a chuckle.

'We've been hoping you'd say something for a while Harry' George replied.

'We didn't want to say anything because you had enough going on in your life without a pair of horny twins stalking you' Fred continued.

Harry felt himself smile and opened his mouth to answer. Fred took the opportunity to catch his lips in a kiss.

'Guys… You don't know how happy you've made me' he laughed as they parted for air.

'Not as happy as you've made us Harry' George replied and swooped in for his own kiss.

They parted and Harry gasped as his neck was captured.

'Now what was this about Potter Manor? We've only got ten minutes left until the shop closes after all' Fred purred in his ear.

And just like that, Team Potter had two new members. Wizarding world beware.


	5. Chapter 5

_Bit a gore in this chapter._

All things considered, Harry felt the twins were really restraining themselves. He'd used his ring to portkey the three of them to Potter Manor and keyed the twins in. With that done he met with Dobby and the four Elves Tinker, Tailor, Eevee and Mipsy. He had just enough time to check on his pets before the twins patience snapped and he found himself hauled inside and upstairs to the nearest bedroom.

SLASH SCENE

Breathlessly the trio snuggled against each other and were soon out cold. While they slept, Dobby quietly popped in and started cleaning up. He threw a smile at his master and master's mates. They worked well together he thought. He was happy to be living in such a happy home.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

'So what's the plan Harry?'

They'd got up early the next morning refreshed, well Harry was a bit sore, and hungry. The elves were happy to whip up a hearty breakfast, after which they gave a tour around the manor.

Harry was pleased to see that there were dungeons.

'Well the first thing I want to do is get Remus here. After that there's Sirius' Will reading which Ragnarok assures me will be fun. Don't want to miss that. Training wouldn't go amiss. Just because I have the memories doesn't mean I can do it all. You guys need to be properly introduced to my pets otherwise they may try and eat you. I will of course need to give the bride money to your father and I do want to speak to him, Bill and Charlie. You two I want to stay here, I know you're shop has a flat but here is safer. I'd also like to make sure Bill, Charlie and your dad has a permanent room here. I'd like us to visit my loving relatives. I've got more shopping to do. I guess after that it's just deatheater hunting' Harry replied.

The twins nodded, quickly agreeing to stay at the manor when not working and happy to know the non stealing members of the family would have a room. The idea of paying Harry's relatives a visit filled them full of prank ideas, especially as Harry happily gave them permission to wreck up the house if need be.

'So. Remus first…Who's up for seeing old Moony?' Harry asked with a grin.

He left the room laughing with the knowledge that for the second time he'd left the twins speechless. He hurried down to check on the critters and make sure they were settling in. Karma the kneazle was curled up on a chair in the sitting room. Ruff the manticore and Tuff the griffon were galloping across the land. Digger the crup was currently waist deep in a hole and had no signs of stopping. Apparently Harry named him well. Ash the ashwinder had found a warm rock next to a tree. Sapphire the jobberknoll was zooming here and there and no matter where Harry looked he couldn't find Spook the demiguise. Then again what did he expect from a critter that's fur was used to make invisibility cloaks? It was a pity Buckbeak and Hedwig wasn't here. They would love the wide open space. So would Remus for that matter. Being cooped up in Grimmauld Place wasn't doing him or the hippogriff any favours. Now how to go about getting them out without arousing the Order?

Harry shook his head and groaned. That was the old Harry talking. Who cared what the Order thought? In fact… that's an idea.

His musing was interrupted as he sensed the twins behind him.

'Are you saying that Moony…'

'Moony of the Marauders…'

'Is our old defense teacher!' they finished together.

Harry grinned.

'Yep. And I've got the perfect way to get him here. Change of plan guys, we're visiting my lovely relatives first. Now let me introduce you to my pets otherwise we'll never get around to it'.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

A short time later found them standing on Privet Drive, black cloaks covering them and masks ready to put on. Harry thought they made smashing deatheaters. For the moment they were under a disillusionment charm until they knew exactly who was on guard. Harry scanned the area, pausing when he realised the very person they were after was there.

He put the three under a strong privacy charm.

'Guys Remus is on guard. He's by the fence over there under a cloak. We're going to have to stun him if we want to wreak some serious havoc. I've already masked our scents. Both of you catch him quick then get inside the moment I make a gap through the wards. Might as well put these new memories to practice' Harry said quietly.

'Oui mon capitan' they whispered back with a salute, grinning like hyenas, and started sneaking over to the werewolf.

Harry snorted and went to the wards. As he looked through with his new mage sight he found it all fascinating. Red wove through blue with streams of yellow and silver. Harry found the meaning of each quickly enough and frowned when he realised there was nothing that represented the blood ward Fuckerbore was talking about. One more strike on the bastard. He waved his hands through it all, careful not to set off the alarm, and slowly formed a gap wide enough for the three. He glanced over to see the twins sitting Remus up against the fence and coming over. Together they passed through and stood by the door.

'That gap will last for an hour if I've got it right. The disillusionment's off so go wild and be careful. Is the portkey on Remus?' Harry asked.

'Yep. Ready to go the moment you give the word' Fred replied.

'We'll apparate back the moment the Order of the Plucked Chickens arrive' George followed and they both put their masks on.

Harry grinned, then straightened up placed his mask on and rang the doorbell.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Vernon was having a lovely day. The sun was shining and he had a day off work. His pride and joy son was upstairs playing on his brand new computer, while his wife sat across from him in the kitchen reading her woman's digest. They'd just finished a pleasant lunch and were looking forward to going out for dinner to celebrate. The freak had vanished yesterday and so far no-one had come a knocking. He knew they were bluffing at the station. It felt good to lay into the freak for telling lies about his perfect family. Pity he couldn't beat him for breaking the cupboard door. Vernon didn't care if the freak was found dead in a ditch. Good riddance. He'd just taken a sip from his coffee when the doorbell rang. Petunia glanced up with a frown.

'Who could that be?'

Vernon frowned and wondered if he spoke too soon about the freaks. We'll he'd just give them a piece of his mind. Heaving himself out his chair he lumbered to the door and pulled his open.

'Yes. How can we… WHAT ARE YOU FREAKS DOING HERE?!'

Harry rolled his eyes and blasted the obese man backwards. He stepped in and the twins immediately headed upstairs while he went to the kitchen. He found his aunt fussing over Vernon's slumped over body. Harry briefly checked and found the man still alive.

Damn. Well one could only hope.

Petunia screamed when she saw him. She'd remembered the warning that headmaster had given her about these people. They were killers!

'P…please… The freak's not here… Please don't hurt us!'

Harry snorted and pointed his rather useless wand in her direction.

'Freak. So that's the way you treat your superiors? Pathetic muggles. So Potter ran away did he? I can see why'.

He paused as Vernon started to wake up. The man groggily got to his knees and looked up at Harry.

'WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, BARGING INTO MY HOME AND THREATENING HARDWORKING HONEST PEOPLE LIKE THIS?! GET OUT! I'LL CALL THE POLICE!'

'Hardworking! Honest! You're a bully and your son's a thief and a vandal. I've only got one thing to say about to that statement. CRUCIO!'

Now that felt really good he thought as he watched his uncle thrash around. With any luck this will trigger a heart attack.

Petunia screamed as her husband started frothing at the mouth.

'Oh be quiet!' Harry sighed and silenced the woman. He then grinned and pulled his mask off, canceling the curse.

'Dearest aunt and uncle. Did you know that this house really belongs to me? No? Perhaps it'll surprise you to know that your business belongs to me as well uncle? You can hear me can't you? The nerve damage didn't affect your ears? Oh good. Well now, because I own this house I think I'm going to take everything that catches my eye and bring it back to my manor. Yep you heard right, manor. I'm quite rich you know. Gave me a right surprise when I found out. Made me realise I can do whatever I want. And I so want to thank you three for giving me such a nice happy childhood'.

He hit his uncle with an icy glare.

'Let's start with you. I've been hearing a lot of bad things about you Vernon. Auntie did you know he was having a fling with his secretary? I actually feel sorry for the woman. She must really be down on her luck if she _wants_ to have a quickie with Vernon. I've also heard that he bullies everyone in a lower position. Now that's not the way a good boss works. Now here's what I was thinking. I could knock you down a few pegs at work. Perhaps I could give you the position of janitor. Or perhaps I could just turn you into a desk. Maybe then you'd be useful. All those bullied workers can have some fun scribbling all over you or giving you a good kick or three.

He pondered for a bit.

'Or… Or I could just try out this new curse I've learned? Yes perhaps I'll do that'.

He smirked and waved his hand over his uncle. At first nothing seemed to happen.

Then, Vernon started choking as his stomach began to grow. It grew larger and larger, which was quite a feat as it was already huge. It was almost as if there was a balloon inside. And someone was feeding it air. Eventually though, with too much air, balloons have a tendency to…

BANG!

Now Harry couldn't class himself as sadistic. Blood and gore didn't really do anything for him. But even he couldn't help giggling like a maniac as bits of his uncle started raining down all over the kitchen.

'That was fun!'

He headed over to his still silently screaming aunt and knelt down.

'Do you think the neighbours might have heard that?' he asked quietly, his eyes wide and worried.

Apparently she really did care more about her image than her husband. The thought that her neighbours might have heard made her faint.

Harry started giggling again. She'd even peed herself. Oh this was too rich! Just wait until Duddykins saw this. Speaking of which…. He hadn't heard from his cousin since he came in. The twins must be having a blast.

Harry glanced round the room and started picking up anything that caught his fancy. Duddykin's TV, his aunt's purse, and Vernon's wallet. He was lucky he checked his uncle's mind for the PIN before blowing him up. He could see the local charity getting a nice gift when he was finished. Harry decided that all the kitchen assets would also make a good gift to charity and shrunk everything not nailed down. With a quick obliviate to make sure his aunt didn't remember him, he then headed to the other rooms downstairs and did the same. He was feeling rather good about himself as he headed upstairs, giving the patched up cupboard another kick on the way.

'You guys are awfully quiet up here. Having fun?'

'You bet!' Fred grinned, finishing up in the master bedroom.

'We've left Duddykins for you. All bound and gagged' George followed as he came out Marge's room. He went up and hugged Harry.

'First time I've seen your "room". I hope that bang downstairs was something good for the way they treated you?'

'Yeah Harry. Especially when we saw your cousin's room' Fred followed with his own hug.

Harry felt tears come to his eyes and rubbed them away. Not the time to cry.

'Yeah, that bang was uncle learning his lesson'.

He moved back and smiled.

'So is everything in place?'

'Yep. Just Duddykins left and we're ready' Fred replied.

Harry nodded and left them to head downstairs while he entered his cousin's room. The poor baby whale truly was bound and gagged. The twins just failed to mention that they'd arranged him on a spit. Thankfully not lit.

'Hi Duddy. This some new kind of work out?'

There was a large smelly stain on Dudley's backside, along with a trickle of yellow liquid dripping to the floor. Gross.

'That's great. Good for you. So yeah…I hope you don't mind, but I feel like taking everything in here and giving it to charity. Or perhaps I'll keep some of it. You don't mind…do you?'

Harry snorted as his cousin struggled madly, shaking his head. How the twins kept him up there was a miracle.

'No? No, you don't mind. Oh good well I'll just get started then will I?'

He had a good look round the room. He would find a way for the computer to work on magic. And one of the consoles. The handheld games ran on batteries so they'd be fine. Duddy had pretty good music taste, the CD player was definitely coming with him. Was that a pair of skates?

Harry laughed as he shrunk everything down. Yeah, like Duddykins had the balance for skates with all those fat folds. Though they did look like they'd fit him. He'd buy another two pairs and they'd have some fun flying down the corridors at the manor. The twins would love it. After placing everything but the spit in his bag he headed out and did the same with the master and guest bedroom. There wasn't much useful in the bathroom but he took everything there as well. He went into his own "room" and looked round. Most of this stuff was kindling. The broken toys though were easy to fix and he did just that. The charity would be getting a lot from this house. A quick swipe of the attic and he was ready to go. He levitated Dudley downstairs and met up with the twins.

'Well aren't you a drama queen Harrykins' George remarked as they admired his handy work. They did look a little green around the edges so Harry quickly herded them outside with Dudley and did a quick swipe of the basement. He followed with Petunia and both were dumped in the front lawn. Harry placed his mask back on and quickly wiped Dudley's memories of him.

'You guys ok?'

'Yeah Harry… He deserved it' Fred replied with a small smile.

'It's just the first time we've seen something like that' George followed.

Harry silently promised he's let them take complete control that night as a reward.

They headed over to Remus and the twins stood ready to portkey away. They signaled to Harry who nodded. Waving his hand he shot a beam of light into the sky. By this point the neighbours were peeking through windows and looking over fences. A few had noticed the black clad figures head to number four. Most of them heard the bang and the screams before they were cut off. Some had phoned the police when the figures headed outside with Petunia and Dudley. They watched terrified as a beam of green light lit up the sky and formed the dark mark above the house.

Harry finished and signaled the twins to leave. Then he turned to the wards and started pulling the strands wildly. If that didn't bring the Order nothing would. With that done he portkeyed away.

Dumbledore arrived to chaos. Remus was missing, presumed kidnapped. Police sirens were screaming as they arrived at the scene and number four Privet Drive was ablaze. Harry was right in saying the rickety furniture was good for kindling. It was the first place the twins targeted.

The next day the local NSPCC were delighted to be given an anonymous gift in the form of six thousand pounds and what seemed like a house worth of toys, clothes and furniture.


	6. Chapter 6

_And here comes the demented house elf._

They arrived at the manor clutching each other and giggling like mad. That was a prank worthy of a Marauder. Sirius would be so proud. Pity Vernon had to go but quite frankly he deserved every bit of it.

Harry levitated Remus through and onto the couch while Fred and George took off their cloaks.

'HARRY POTTER!'

He jumped a mile and stumbled back clutching his heart.

'Dobby…! What…'

'Harry Potter has been a very bad boy! Left a big mess and covered in yucky blood. Dobby has a good mind to take a wooden spoon to Harry's backside!' Dobby scolded.

Harry actually found his hand creeping to cover his bum as he stared at the scary little elf. Dobby was standing there with his arms crossed tutting as the bloody mess and body parts Harry had brought home with him.

He heard sniggering and scowled at the twins who had just come in.

'Umm…Sorry Dobby. I'll clean up right away'.

'Indeed Harry Potter will. And he'll be doing it with no magic' Dobby replied.

Harry nodded and stood up. Carefully he removed his cloak and folded it so it didn't get the floor any messier. He turned to glare at the twins who were holding each other up laughing like mad.

Dobby frowned and snapped his fingers.

All three yelped as they were suddenly chased upstairs with large wooden spoons swiping at their backsides.

Shaking his head Dobby turned to the forth member and made Remus comfortable on the couch before reviving him. They would be having a long conversation about the teen's behaviour.

The other elves were quite happy to let Dobby handle the issue.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

'You blew him up!'

Harry winced as he scrubbed at the blood stain. Dobby had told Remus exactly what they'd done. He gave a quick glance to the twins and smirked. Well at least he wasn't the only one getting punished.

'I can't believe this! I know he was bad but did you really have to kill him?!'

'Yes Remus. You weren't there to see what he did to me after you all "talked" to him. I'm not proud that he had to die but he deserved it' Harry argued.

The Werewolf paced as he tried to get it into his head that his honorary godson had killed.

'He's right Professor. Harry told us what happened. The goblins spent an hour making sure he was ok' George spoke in Harry's defense.

Remus went to speak, then sighed and rubbed the back of his head.

'Just…just keep cleaning'.

He looked back at Harry.

'Surely you could have told someone?'

'I did! Madam Pomfrey has a list of injuries that had nothing to do with school. And I pleaded with Fuckerbore…'

'Harry Potter!'

'…Sorry. I pleaded with _Dumbledore_ to let me stay over the summer but he just patted me on the head and waved me away. And Snape _knows_ what I've been through because he's seen it during our "lessons". I've been trying to tell people from the start but they just see me as an attention seeking kid. Harry Potter would never be left in an abusive home. Harry Potter has no idea just what a broken arm would feel like! Harry Potter's so pampered that he would take a tantrum because someone said no to him! Remus please! I had to!'

Remus stared sadly at the boy…the young man before him. He could sense the truth in Harry's words. He just couldn't believe he had to resort to murder because no-one would listen. What kind of picture was that making for those who were supposed to protect him?

'Harry… Harry I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to kill…but I can see you were desperate'.

He found himself with an armful of sobbing teenager.

'I just want to have a normal life. That's all. Surely they could have let me have that?' Harry breathed through tears.

They were joined by Fred and George as Harry was coxed to calm down.

Eventually the three got back to work while Remus took a tour of the manor, with the promise that once they finished he would hear everything that happened. And Merlin did things happen! Harry was going to turn the wizarding world on its end! Remus was starting to think the young man didn't need an honorary godfather. Harry assured him that wasn't the case, that he would always need Remus there.

'I'm starting to live my life the way I want. I've already got two great boyfriends. And I want you there as well. I know I sorta put you to the side when I found out Sirius was innocent and I'm really sorry about that. But I'm still a teenager and I still need someone to tell me when I'm doing something stupid and talk to me about it. All I've been getting so far is a slap on the wrist for something that could have killed me, or a yelling and a beating for something tiny. I need an adult who will actually treat me the way I should be treated'.

It was a tearful Remus who nodded and hugged Harry, promising he'll always be there. Even if it was just to ground the teen when he went too far.

That night the twins were given full control just as Harry decided. But only after Remus as honorary godfather had sufficiently terrified them enough for them to promise they will never hurt his godson. They would have promised anyway but with a werewolf Marauder on their tails they weren't about to interrupt him.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

'So then Harry. What are your plans today?' Remus asked as he finished a delicious breakfast.

Harry took a drink as he thought.

'I want to figure out a way of getting Buckbeak out of Grimmauld Place. And get Hedwig back. I really have to talk to Arthur about the twin's bride money and speak to Bill and Charlie. Sirius' Will reading is tomorrow and we're all invited so I'd like to speak to Ragnarok about that. I also want to take all of you shopping. I've got some very muggle ideas on how to handle Moldywart and his deatheaters. Oh and you need to meet the pets'.

He finished his drink.

'Who wants to do what first?'

'Well we really wanted to go skating…'

'But I think we should speak to dad first' the twins said.

'Actually Harry. If you speak to Arthur first then we may have a way of getting Buckbeak here. I can charm a pendant to act like a homing device and we can get either Arthur, Bill or Charlie to put it round Buckbeak's neck. It will guide him here. That way you can speak with them, get Buckbeak out and sort out the bride money' Remus followed.

'And we can use the shop to meet with them, allowing you to head to the bank afterwards' Fred then said.

'You'll need to be careful though. The Order will be hunting for you. And we can only be away from the shop so long before people become suspicious. We have hired help but we can't let them do all the work' George followed.

Harry thought for a moment, then smiled and nodded.

'That will work out fine. Sorry I've stole you guys away from the shop. After we go shopping you can get back there. By the way I'd love a pygmy puff'.

He was met with laughter.

'Haven't you got enough pets? You've got a manticore running around outside and you want a fluffy puffball' George sniggered.

'What? I want to call it Killer' Harry argued.

It did nothing for the laughter.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Arthur was predictably stunned when presented with the bride money for his sons. He would have expected it for his daughter, but Harry giving it for the twins… He didn't know what to make of it. Bill and Charlie weren't helping as they'd been struck silent by the act.

It may have something to do with the fact that it was ten thousand galleons.

They spend a couple of hours explaining to the three exactly what Harry had found out. The news about the Weasley members stealing did not go well.

'Harry… If I'd known… I would never have let this happen if I'd known. I'm sorry… I'm so sorry' Arthur said after he'd ranted and raved. He couldn't believe his wife's actions. Or his youngest children. How could they do that to Harry?! He'd always thought of the boy as his own son.

Bill put his hand on his dad's shoulder.

'None of us knew about this. We are sorry Harry'

'Yeah. And while I question your choice in life mates…. I'm glad you still consider us family' Charlie followed.

'Oy now!'

'That was uncalled for!' the twins yelled.

It lightened the mood as Harry grinned and hugged the man he saw as his foster father. Soon to be his father-in-law. He quickly offered them their own room in the manor and promised Charlie a full introduction to his pets when the older man asked about them. They then worked on the pendant Bill volunteered to put on Buckbeak. While Remus, the twins and Charlie worked over the charm, Harry was pulled to the side by Arthur and Bill.

'We just want to make sure Harry. Are you truly happy with Fred and George? It's not that we don't approve. We just want to make sure that neither you nor they are stringing each other along'.

'Yes sir, I am happy. And there's no way I'm stringing them along. I've liked them since I first met them, I just didn't realise it until fourth year. I know we're going to play it out as a prank to Ginny and Molly but we're serious. They've really been helping me out' Harry replied honestly.

Bill smiled and patted him on the back.

'Well then I guess congratulations are in order'.

'Indeed. And as happy as I am to have you actually joining the family, I hope that you don't rush it just for a prank' Arthur said.

'No sir we certainly won't. I may be emancipated but I'm still only fifteen. Thanks for being ok with this' Harry replied.

He received another hug and they went back to the others.

'Here you go Bill. This will give Buckbeak directions to the manor' Remus said, handing the pendant over.

The eldest redhead son nodded and put it in his pocket. A few more moments of conversation and an invitation to the manor later and everyone went their separate ways, agreeing to meet up at the Will reading.

Harry spent ten minutes with Ragnarok figuring out what to do at the reading before the group headed towards the leaky cauldron entrance.

'So Remus. I don't suppose you know where we might acquire some guns?' Harry asked innocently.


	7. Chapter 7

Harry realised at once his mistake. He'd just let the twins loose in a shop full of dangerous weapons.

He didn't need to look at Remus to see the glare.

'…Umm… Sorry'.

The werewolf sighed and rubbed his face. This was going to be a long day.

SIX HOURS LATER

Remus stumbled into the manor and collapsed onto the nearest soft seat. He was starting to realise just how much of a full time job being Harry Potter's godfather was. Sirius would have loved it.

The twins bounced, actually bounced in behind him with all their goodies. Remus snorted as the image of kangaroo Weasleys flashed into his head.

'Where's Harry?'

'Oh we went to see Buckbeak' George replied.

The werewolf sat up.

So Buckbeak's arrived? Harry will be pleased'.

'He's more than pleased. Hedwig tagged along for the ride' Fred replied.

Remus smiled and headed back outside. The smile dropped when he realised there was one more tagalong.

Harry had just oriented himself from the portkey when he was attacked by a flurry of white feathers.

'Hedwig! How'd you get here?'

Then he noticed Buckbeak and grinned.

'You clever girl you hitched a lift didn't you?'

The snowy owl hooted as if to say of course she did. But she nibbled affectionately on his ear for the clever comment.

Laughing Harry went to check on the Hippogriff. He stopped suddenly when he spotted the red plumage perched on the wall.

'Fawkes! God does that mean they know where I am?! Please Fawkes don't tell them! I'm finally getting my life back in order'.

The phoenix tilted his head as he examined Harry. He seemed to make up his mind and the teen found a series of images appear in his mind.

'Wait… Fucker…'

He glanced at Remus and grinned sheepishly.

'I mean _Dumbledore_. He doesn't know you're here?'

Fawkes shook his head and trilled. He flew down from the wall and landed on Harry's shoulder, sending the teen another set of images. He'd grown tired of the headmaster's manipulations. He wondered where the good man he used to know went.

Harry laughed as the perch-up-the-ass image came back. Apparently the phoenix enjoyed that one.

'Fawkes you're the best! Welcome to the family!'

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

After settling the newcomers in and introducing them to the others, Harry went inside with his bags to check out his new toys. Having wandless magic rocked. The man behind the counter would remember serving a thirty something year old brunette and his team members from the army.

Grinning Harry pulled out a heavy duty knife. This he would try his hand at carving runes on rather than wind up destroying what he had found in his vault. There was also a bag full of smoke grenades and normal go boom grenades. The twins had at least two bags each of the smoke ones. Remus forbade them to get the others and as Harry was the one paying he had to agree. Real grenades and Fred and George didn't mix.

It was funny how they were supposed to be the older ones yet Harry got more freedom with dangerous weapons.

He only got permission from Remus to get his own when he promised they would only be used for the worst of the worst deatheaters.

Like Bellatrix.

Of course he didn't promise not to let the twins have a shot with his. As long as they followed the same rule.

Harry's grin widened as he pulled out his favourite toy. A double barreled shotgun. He'd pleaded with Remus to take the twins to another part of the shop while he bought it. There was no way he was letting them near the thing. But boy was it a thing of beauty. He couldn't wait to point it at Moldywart's face and pull the trigger. Bastard wouldn't know what hit him. Or course, he would need some serious practice. It wasn't like he could point and shoot and that would be it. Which was why he'd practically wiped the shop out of targets and bullets.

He'd also bought a sniper rifle for the more delicate shots. This one was for Remus. When it came to precision the man was a genius. The little training they'd done with him had proven that.

Each weapon had its own holster, cleaning kit and bag for bullets. He'd picked up helmets and camouflage outfits too. As well as a nifty durable watch that doubled as a timer for each of them. Always handy to know how long they had till something went boom. All this cost him a bucket load but he figured it was going to a good cause. Not like the ministry was doing much about the threat.

They spent the rest of the day learning how to use their new toys and how to keep them in good condition. After Sirius' Will reading they'd have more time to really start training. Harry had been told by the elves of a nifty little device the manor held that slowed time down to the point where a second outside was an hour inside. Remus felt this was a good way of getting the teens ahead in their learning. Harry liked the idea of more time to train. Fred and George wondered how much sex they could put into that kind of time. Eventually they reached a compromise. They would start their school work from the beginning and go as far as they could, as well as other lessons. They would weapon train until exhaustion. And Remus would soundproof the teen's bedroom and allow them three days a week, once they worked out how to time a week, to do whatever the hell they wanted, no details given.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Finally it was time for the Will reading. Harry felt a sudden lurch of sadness at the thought. The idea that Sirius was really gone would be finalized after this. He shook his head as they entered the bank good and early. Sirius wouldn't want him to mope. The man was probably laughing his head off up there as he watched Harry's plans come together.

Ragnarok greeted them warmly and brought them into the meeting room. He then showed Harry the hidden side room he'd be sitting in to watch the fun. They'd felt this was the best way. Fuckerbore wouldn't know he was there and thus wouldn't try to kick him out or drag him away to "safety". Harry idly wondered what happened to his aunt and cousin.

'You of course have already read the Will Lord Potter but we will enact it as if this is the first time it's been opened. Goldfinger here will be reading the Will while I supervise. Also if you all wouldn't mind staying behind afterwards. We have something to discuss' Ragnarok said.

Curiously Harry nodded and headed off to the hidden room while the others took a seat. He watched in anticipation as more people came in. Fuckerbore in all his glory led the party, followed by the Weasley family and Hermione. He wasn't sure where she sat in all this. Tonks and her parents came afterwards and were followed by Draco and his mother.

So that's where Draco got his _pretty_ looks.

Sniggering Harry checked people's reactions to each other. Bellatrix of course wasn't there. The side was split between Draco and his mother and everyone else. Draco was looking smug as hell and Harry smothered a laugh at what the blonde's reaction will be when he realised he wouldn't be getting Sirius' title. He felt another lurch as he saw Ron look around then settle back with a smirk. He was actually smug that Harry wasn't at his godfather's Will reading!

Bastard!

'Mr Potter is still to show. We have a few minutes to wait' Goldfinger said, shuffling the papers on his desk.

Fuckerbore stood up at this.

'I'm afraid Mr Potter cannot make it. But I as his magical guardian will of course pass on any information to him after the reading'.

Goldfinger nodded, inwardly cursing the man as this normally wasn't allowed. He gave a brief grin for the boy in the hidden room and continued.

'Very well then. We are here for the reading of Master Sirius Orion Black's Will'.

He brought out the parchment and cleared his throat. He quickly scanned the words and grinned to himself. The director was right. This would be fun.

'_I Sirius Orion Black, being of sound mind (No laughing!), execute my last will and testament._

_Moony old friend you're getting two million from me. Spend it well (and by that I mean get some good clothes and live your life!) Keep an eye on our pup for me._

_Nymphadora (Ha I can say it now!) you and your mother are hereby reinstated back into the family and I leave you both two million each._

_Fred, George you've made this old dog proud. I'm leaving you two million and I want you to spend it making the world laugh._

_Narcissa I feel you got the bad end of the stick with your marriage. Please see the new Lord Black should you decide to leave blondie. If you do then I'm leaving you two million._

_Arthur I'm leaving you and your family two million. Treat yourselves. Also I have a letter to give to you personally. _

_Bellatrix I'm kicking you out of the family and dissolving your marriage. Take that you crazy bitch!_

_Albus I've been looking into your "dealings" with Harry and I don't like what I saw. I'm leaving you a bag of knuts and giving you some friendly advice. Leave my pup alone._

_Draco I always hoped you got your mother's brains but I guess that was wishful thinking. I'm leaving you a bag of knuts and a warning. Learn to think for yourself or you'll end up under Voldie's Crucio._

_Last but not least. To my godson Harry, I'm leaving you the title of Lord Black, make sure you thumb your nose at Draco, and everything else I own. Don't beat yourself up for my stupidity and have fun with your life. Merlin knows you need it._

_Sirius Orion Black'_

The room exploded into action.


	8. Chapter 8

Surprisingly enough it was Hermione that spoke first. Harry's thoughts on her darkened slightly at her response.

'But the books! Harry would never read them! I could have sworn I gave Sirius enough hints…'

'What do you mean Potter gets the title?! A bag of knuts! This is an outrage! I'm the next in line! My father will hear about this!' Draco yelled.

Harry just had to roll his eyes at that. Refuse his friendship. My father will hear about this! Throw his insults back at him. My father will hear about this! Retaliate when he throws hexes. My father will hear about this! God the boy was insufferable! Harry would bet that if his dick was bigger than Draco's then his father would hear about it. He could almost picture Lucius coming to Hogwarts with the minister and a pair of hedge trimmers.

'Clip that boy down to size! He doesn't deserve the girth! The nerve of him, being bigger than _my_ son!'

Harry almost fell out of his seat laughing.

Narcissa was surprised at who the new Lord Black was, but also quite pleased. She really didn't want to marry Lucius but arranged marriages were not about what the female wanted. And her son certainly wouldn't have dissolved the marriage. She wasn't sure however if Dumbledore would allow her to speak with young Harry.

Albus knew the mutt wasn't to be trusted. Sirius had been sniffing around the moment he'd been freed by Harry and Hermione. The headmaster rubbed the bridge of his nose with a sigh. Only he and Severus knew of the attack at the Dursleys. Severus assured him this wasn't planned out by the Dark Lord. Either rogue deatheaters or a spur of the moment attack. Petunia and the cousin weren't able to provide anything on the attacker's identities. Clearly their minds had been wiped. Though Petunia quite vividly remembered how her husband died. The woman was an absolute wreck. And with the house burnt to a crisp and Harry missing things just weren't going Albus' way. Perhaps he could get information from Remus. If he remembered rightly the werewolf was on guard at the time of the attack, and had disappeared for a while afterwards, yet there he was unharmed at the reading. Something just didn't add up.

Molly was quite pleased. Yes that would work out fine. The two million was a nice plus but soon enough the Weasleys would be the richest family in Britain. They could finally get their name out of the gutter. And this time it would work, unlike the last attempt. Arthur's parents were quite insistent that he leave her. Many people would say it was romantic that Arthur was willing to forgo his parent's inheritance in order to stay with her, but not Molly. She specifically went with him _for_ the inheritance. His parents had only stayed for the wedding then whisked off to Merlin knows where so she couldn't even find them to _make_ them hand over the money.

Ginny positively beamed at the thought of marrying a lord of two houses. She could just picture the lavish dresses and jewels she could buy. She'd be the talk of the entire wizarding Britain.

Ron looked enraged. Why was it that the twins got their own money and _he _had to share with the rest of the family?! Hadn't he helped Potter enough to get his own?! Well at least once Ginny married the guy they'd get both the Potter and the Black fortune. That thought made him smile and he sniggered at Draco.

The twins had taken bets with Harry on people's reactions and they were totaling up the amounts. It wasn't money they were using though but positions and dominance. Draco calling for daddy was obvious, Harry had won a chance to fuck a twin of his choice. Hermione mentioning books or acting like a bookworm gave the twins a chance to try out a new position with Harry. Ron's envious expression was a draw so far. If he said anything then the twins got it and if he kept quiet through the whole event then Harry won. They were still holding out on Fuckerbore but Harry felt he was a shoe in to win.

While the others were arguing, Arthur was handed the letter from Sirius. It confirmed what Harry said. Sirius had done enough digging to find out what Molly and their youngest two were up to. The letter specifically said that the money Sirius gave them was only for Arthur, Bill and Charlie. And Percy but that was Arthur's decision. He nodded to himself and waited. Harry said not to mention anything until after the reading. Molly wasn't the only one who could roar in the family. He should probably send an owl to his parents after this. They will be thrilled.

Bill and Charlie were waiting for their dad's signal. They were prepared to back him and Harry to the hilt over the thievery. It shamed them to know their own family could do this.

The Tonks family were of two minds about the ordeal. Andromeda was happy to be back in the family and hoping Narcissa would make the right choice. She rather missed her younger sister.

Nymphadora was still upset over Sirius' death but happy enough that Draco wasn't the next Lord Black. She quite liked Harry. She hoped to get a chance to speak to him soon. It was always better to talk about lost loved ones with family.

Ted was mainly there to give support to his girls. He wasn't entirely sure about the whole lord of house thing but he knew it would make Andy and Dora happy to be accepted back in.

Remus sat smiling sadly amongst the chaos. Sirius' Will was so…Sirius. The money was nice but he'd give it all away to have his friend back.

'We have the vault keys for everyone mentioned. Master Malfoy and Master Dumbledore we have your knuts here' Goldfinger said. He passed out the keys, deliberately handing one to Arthur when Molly went to take it. Draco stormed over and snatched his bag of knuts, flushing as the weasel sniggered at him on passing. Once the Dark Lord got his father out of prison he would tell him what happened. No-one humiliates a Malfoy! He gave little thought to his mother staying behind as he headed towards the floo.

'We also have the ring for Lord Black' Goldfinger continued, holding up the empty box.

'I shall take that and give it to Harry' Albus said, discreetly stowing away the bag of knuts.

'I'm afraid that's not possible Master Dumbledore. The new Lord Black must personally take the box. We shall hold it until he arrives' Ragnarok spoke up.

Albus frowned in frustration. Why were goblins so frustrating?!

'I must insist. Harry is in a secure location and cannot for safety reasons go out in public'.

'Secure location? Not sure a burning building qualifies as secure' Harry replied.

The whole room turned to stare at him.

'Harry!' Hermione gasped, cheeks turning red at the thought that he might have overheard him.

Albus realised that Harry had indeed heard everything. He couldn't have the boy accepting the power the ring supplied. It would drive him away from Albus' control. It was time to play the rebellious teenager card. Harry already acted the part by being here instead of at his relatives. This was manageable.

'Harry my boy. I told you it was unsafe to leave your relatives. I realise you're upset over Sirius but this rebellious attitude must cease. It's dangerous for you to leave your relatives. You did get my letter didn't you? You're still too young for all this lord business, let me handle it. Now if you will just give these good goblins permission for me to hold onto the ring and we shall head back before the protections fall. It's for the greater good'.

Nailed it! Harry had full control of the twins, with bondage, for a whole night!

He forced his expression to be blank, holding up his hand when Molly went to back Fuckerbore up with a rant.

'Too young? It's strange how I'm too young to put a ring on my finger. I mean I wasn't too young to go through deadly traps to stop Quirrell getting the stone. Or too young to face the basilisk. I certainly wasn't too young to fight dementors to save Sirius. Or to go through the tri wizard tournament. Compared with all that a ring can't be all bad. I mean it's not like trying on jewelry will kill me' Harry replied with a smile.

He went over on the pretense of taking the box. Predictably Fuckerbore went to stop him.

'Harry I must forbid…'

'Forbid?! Is it really that bad that Sirius left me this? Or perhaps you're worried I'll become all arrogant like Malfoy? If you want I could promise not to'.

He then looked thoughtful.

'Of course… It could be that Sirius had a lot of money. And you want it for yourself? Surely you've got enough? I mean, you've been taking money from me for years'.

He gave the man an innocent look, then glanced at Molly.

'And you Mrs Weasley. You were so against accepting charity, yet you'd happily just take my money. And worse still you had to involve your youngest children. Well at least I know now why you wouldn't accept my offers. You felt you didn't need my permission'.

'Why you…! I would never…!' Molly began.

'Actually Molly…' Arthur interrupted calmly but with a hint of steel in his voice.

'I have been shown proof of your theft. And of our youngest children's transactions. I'm especially interested in your plot to marry our daughter off to Harry. Am I to assume Harry would not be made aware of this until the day? Or were you going to _entice_ him into accepting Ginny as his betrothed? I suppose his choice in the matter was null and void?'

'Arthur. Surely you want Harry as part of the family? He and Ginny are a perfect pair' Molly started.

'If it were honest then yes, I could see them making a nice pair. However from talking and getting to know the lad I know for a fact that it wouldn't work out. But you have yet to deny my suspicions. Exactly how were you going to tell Harry about the marriage? And perhaps an explanation as to why you three were stealing from Harry would also be helpful'.

Ron of course decided to open his mouth. Looks like Harry was going to be the twin's slave for a day. Damn!

'But dad…! He's got everything! He always gets everything! He gets all the attention and he's got more than enough money! So what if we take a little? It's not like he'd miss it!'

Ooh Ron. Open mouth, enter foot. Or should that be feet?

'Daddy we just wanted to make sure Harry married into a good family. And Ron's right he's got plenty of money' Ginny said in agreement.

Harry noticed Hermione's face at the "good family" comment. They both knew the red head really meant pureblood. Maybe Hermione was savable.

Also he was right there! Did he forget to take his invisibility cloak off or something?

Arthur was famous for being a mild mannered man. Those comments however snapped his control.

'It's not like he'd miss it. IT'S NOT LIKE HE'D MISS IT! HOW DARE YOU IMPLY THAT STEALING IS JUSTIFIED BECAUSE IT WOULDN'T BE MISSED! YOU HAVE SPENT THIS ENTIRE TIME TRYING TO LURE LORD POTTER BLACK INTO A SCAM MARRIAGE JUST SO YOU COULD CLAIM HIS MONEY!'

Even Harry was cowed by this. Molly may have been scary when mad but Arthur was downright terrifying. He was starting to feel sorry for the three. Just a tiny little bit.

'I AM SHAMED TO HAVE SUCH DISPICABLE PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY! AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE IT WAS HAPPENING UNDER _MY_ ROOF, UNDER _MY_ VERY NOSE! I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!'

'Now Arthur surely…'

'ALBUS THIS IS A FAMILY MATTER AND AS HEAD OF THE FAMILY I WILL DEAL WITH IT!'

Go Arthur! Harry wished he had some popcorn this was brilliant!

'I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! IF THIS IS WHAT MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY WILL SINK TO JUST TO GET THEIR HANDS ON MONEY THEN THEY DON'T DESERVE TO BE PART OF THIS FAMILY!'

Molly tried shakily to interrupt but Arthur wasn't finished.

'I ARTHUR WEASLEY DO HEREBY DISSOLVE THIS MARRIAGE AND CAST MOLLY PREWETT, RONALD BILLIUS WEASLEY AND GINERVA MOLLY WEASLEY OUT OF THIS FAMILY!'

Bill saw his cue and jumped in.

'I William Arthur Weasley agree and back my father on this decision'.

'I Charles Weasley agree and back my father on this decision' Charlie continued.

'I Fred Weasley…'

'And I George Weasley…'

'Agree and back our father on this decision' the twins finished.

A bright light flashed, signaling Arthur's declaration.

The three were left gaping at what had happened. Arthur though had one last parting shot before he left.

'Oh and Molly. Harry has come to me about a marriage. Once the contract is finalized he plans on wedding our twin sons. He had already paid the bride price and I've seen for myself just how happy they are together'.

'Lord Potter Black' he said with a bow to Harry who returned it. Bill and Charlie followed suit and they calmly left the office.

Game, set and match Harry thought.


	9. Chapter 9

Narcissa thought this was the most amusing meeting she'd ever been to. And it just kept getting better.

'I hope you are here to end your marriage?'

She turned to her older sister and smiled sadly.

'Andromeda I have missed you. Yes I hope to have Lord Black dissolve it'.

'What about your son?' Andromeda asked curiously.

Narcissa sighed.

'I'm not sure. He's his father's son, but I love him'.

'Well once you are rid of that git feel free to come visit us. We've got a lot to catch up on' her sister said with a smile and handed over their floo address.

Narcissa smiled and accepted it.

'Thank you. And might I add that I think you have done well for yourself'.

She turned to Ted.

'Thank you for taking care of my sister'.

Then she looked to Nymphadora.

'Well done for becoming an Auror. I know it is a bit late for congratulations'.

She hugged her sister and accepted a hug from Ted and an unsure hug from Nymphadora before the Tonks family left.

Narcissa gave them a last smile then settled herself for some more amusement.

'He…You…Our… OUR SONS! OUR TWIN SONS!' Molly screeched.

Harry simply nodded. He bit his lip in laughter as the two in question sidled up to him.

'Aww… Don't you think we look good together?' Fred crooned.

'Yeah mum. You've always wanted a wedding between our family and Harry's' George followed, both wrapping their arms round Harry who was trying desperately not to fall to the floor laughing.

This was the last straw for Ron.

'YOU'RE NOT HAPPY WITH ONE PARTNER NO YOU HAVE TO TAKE TWO! IT'S PATHETIC! WHY DO YOU GET EVERYTHING! YOU GET ALL THE MONEY AND ALL THE FAME! AND NOW YOU'VE TORE OUR FAMILY APART. YOU BLOODY GIT!'

In retrospect it wasn't a good idea to charge Harry when his partners were the twins. The goblins almost decided to keep the new light fixture.

'FRED! GEORGE!'

'Ah ah mother dearest…'

'Ronnykins here was about to harm our lovely Harry'

'He deserved it' they finished together.

Harry was gone. He was so far gone he didn't notice Hermione come up beside him.

'I…umm…I hope maybe… You'll let me read some of the books now and then?'

He sobered up quickly enough.

'That depends. Was it books you were paid with to help keep me in line?'

Her face pretty much said it all.

'I'm not sure I can forgive you Hermione. I always thought you were my friend. You weren't stealing from me, but still… I really tried. I came to Hogwarts without a friend in the world. Ron's a lost cause but I hoped you'd still be there'.

She opened her mouth to speak then thought better of it.

'Call this being on probation Hermione. I can't trust you now and I'm not sure I ever will'.

She nodded through tears and left the room. Harry whispered to Remus to make sure she got home safely. He was mad, but not with her. If she tried to make it up then he'll try to give her some trust back.

'Harry…'

Now this was the one Harry was mad at.

'I'm afraid I no longer wish to speak to you'.

'Now Harry. I merely wished to know what happened at your relatives place' Fuckerbore asked.

Harry was glad he did.

'You want to know what happened? Well fine I'll tell you. I was lying there half dead from my uncle's beating just minding my own business when suddenly there were bangs and screams downstairs. Now even if I wanted to help I couldn't because my trunk and my wand were locked in the downstairs cupboard. You know the one? It used to be my bedroom? Well I didn't know what to do so I ran up into the attic and hid behind a pile of boxes. Deatheaters must not have attics because they didn't even bother to look there. I waited out the attack until I realised that they'd set the place on fire. I got out the attic and stumbled downstairs to find a gory mess that I'm assuming was my uncle. I kicked the cupboard door until it opened and grabbed my things. As I headed outside I found Remus trying to come in to save me. He said the deatheaters blew a hole in the wards which knocked him out. When he came to the place was on fire and the deatheaters had vanished. He grabbed me and apparated away just as we heard police sirens head towards the house. I think I saw my aunt and cousin outside but I was too busy trying to make it out alive. Now I'm curious Dumbledore. Help me out here. Deatheaters shouldn't be able to get into my house because of the wards. I mean you said yourself my mother's sacrifice meant there were strong blood wards around the house right? So how is it that they were able to just blow they're way in? Now here's what I'm thinking. Either there weren't blood wards around the house. Or blood wards will only work if I thought of my aunt's house as home. Either way it left me with a heap load of trouble and only Remus out of the Order there to help'.

He crossed his arms and frowned.

'They must have been there at least an hour. So where were you?!'

He noticed Remus come back and nod to him to say Hermione was home. Molly and her no-name children did not need to be there anymore and he assumed Draco's mother was still there to speak to him about her marriage. If she was then he was more than happy to dissolve it. He had plans for Lucius and it was better he had no family to help out.

'Are you going to answer my questions? I do have quite a few things left to do today and all this standing around is wasting my time'.

Well Albus' day just got worse. Any plans on getting the Potter money were thrown right out the door. Quite literally as the goblins decided Molly and her no-name kids had been there long enough and _escorted_ them outside, deliberately keeping Ron upside down until the last possible second. They were screaming and yelling the whole way, it wouldn't be long before people realised what had happened.

'I'm waiting…'

'Now Harry do you really think…'

'EERK…TIME'S UP. I want this man escorted out before he takes up any more of my time' Harry demanded.

'With pleasure my Lord Potter Black' Ragnarok replied with a grin and called the guards back in.

'WAIT…! Why are they calling you Lord Potter?! You're not old enough…' Fuckerbore attempted to say as he was forcibly removed from the premises.

'And I want the Order out of my house. Grimmauld Place will no longer accept anyone inside unless I say so' Harry called.

'You sure like your drama, huh Harry?' George laughed.

'All in a day's work for the Great Harry Potter' Fred sniggered.

Harry rolled his eyes and smirked, then turned to address Narcissa.

'Do you have an answer about your marriage, Lady Malfoy?'

She wiped the traces of amusement from her face and stood, curtseying gracefully.

'Yes my Lord. I wish to have it dissolved'.

'Very well then. And your son?'

'I will leave that up to you my Lord'.

Harry smiled and stepped closer.

'In that case…may I suggest adopting him and making him Draco Black? Your husband has crossed me for the last time and I would rather not have any loose threads'.

She noticed the laughter in his eyes and just had to ask.

'I will do that my Lord. If I may…what are your plans for Lucius?'

His grin spoke volumes.

'I intend to remove the stick from his ass. And replace it with something much larger'.

Her eyes widened and she smothered a giggle. He winked then turned serious.

'I Harry James Potter Black, do hereby dissolve the marriage between Lucius Malfoy and…'

She whispered her name and he nodded gratefully.

'Narcissa Malfoy nee Black. Do you agree to adopt Draco No-name?'

'I do my Lord'.

'Then Draco Malfoy shall hereby be known as Draco Black'.

There was a flash of light and Narcissa smiled.

'Thank you my Lord'.

'None of this my Lord with me. My name is Harry and that is what I ask my friends to call me' Harry replied with a nod.

She hid her surprise and gave a curtsey.

'Thank you, Harry'.

He grinned and handed her a scrap of parchment with his floo address.

'You are free to visit any time you wish, as long as you leave your son behind. Though I must ask that you not go exploring until I've introduced you to my pets. I'd rather they didn't try and eat you'.

This young man was full of surprises. She gracefully accepted the invitation, took her vault key from Goldfinger and left to pack and inform Draco of the change. Then perhaps she would visit Andromeda.

Goldfinger gathered up his papers and bowed to Harry, leaving the office. Harry bowed back and looked to Ragnarok.

'Well now Lord Potter Black. You certainly don't do anything by halves' the old goblin grinned.

He led the group to his office and waved them to sit. Refreshments were called for and the group got settled.

'So what was it you wanted to see me for?' Harry asked.

Ragnarok's face turned grave.

'I'm afraid we have found a problem. You recall the horcruxe found in your scar?'

Harry nodded looking nervous.

'With such dark magic being used we felt it best to check our vaults. We found another one in the vault of the Lestranges.

'Another one! God how many did the bastard have!' Harry cried.

Remus frowned at the language but was too caught up in the conversation to say anything.

'We aren't sure exactly how many Tom Riddle made. It is powerful and dark magic that splits the souls so it could not be done too many times before it drives him to madness' Ragnarok replied, not caring about the language.

'He's already mad' Harry muttered. He then shook his head.

'We're going to need to search for any others. What exactly did Riddle use for this one?'

Ragnarok went into a drawer and pulled out a golden cup.

'This formerly belonged to Helga Hufflepuff. We have removed the soul piece and respectfully give it to you as her last descendant'.

Harry carefully took the cup in awe.

'We believe that if Riddle used this, then he may have used more artifacts belonging to the founders'.

Harry nodded as he thought. If that were true then there were at least three more out there. He then remembered.

'Wait, the diary in second year! That had a piece of his soul in it!'

'Then that's another piece destroyed' Fred said.

'You think he could have used more things from his family?' George added.

'It is possible…We have many leads here' Ragnarok mused.

'Numbers…'

They turned to Remus.

'Numbers?' Harry asked.

The werewolf looked up.

'Information on Tom Riddle can be found in Hogwarts library. Just with every student. I remember reading about past students for a project. Tom Riddle excelled in arithmancy. The study of numbers. There are a few numbers considered more powerful than others. Different properties. The number seven for example. It is considered the number of the perfect man. From what I know about horcruxes they have only been used on non-living things. With that in mind I believe Riddle accidentally put a horcruxe in Harry. He may have wanted Harry as the sacrifice for a horcruxe but not _as_ one. If the diary was one, and the cup another… I think Riddle was attempting to make seven, perhaps Harry was the seventh. When he rose from the dead as it were he probably didn't have enough soul left to make another. Or if he did then it would be just one more. And more attempts would probably kill him'.

'So we're going with seven possible horcruxes' Fred mused.

'And with three gone we've just got four left' George continued.

'Possibly five. We know Riddle is aware of his connection with Harry. But I can't see him knowing Harry's scar was a horcruxe. He wouldn't by trying to kill you if he did' Remus said with a glance at his godson.

'Well that's given us a lot to think about. Three down and possibly five to go. We've got founder artifacts and family artifacts to go on' Harry finalized.

Ragnarok was writing all this down as they were speaking.

'What about his snake!' Harry suddenly said.

They looked at him in question.

'I know it should be non-living things. But every time I see the thing it's almost as if it has a link to Riddle. He's got the parsletongue ability yes but it's more than that. I mean if he didn't mean to put a soul piece in me then perhaps he tried with her. He still needed a seventh horcruxe. I could be wrong but what harm is there in killing his familiar?'

George gave a whistle of appreciation.

'We're outclassed here Fred'.

'Indeed we are George. These two know their stuff'.

The tension broke as Harry and Remus chuckled.

'We're not saying all this is right. But it's worth looking at' the werewolf said.

Ragnarok held up his list and nodded.

'This will indeed give us a good start. With your permission Harry I'd like to send a team out to search for likely spots'.

'Or course Ragnarok. I'll finance it personally. We'll be on the hunt as well' Harry replied.

With agreements all around it was time for the group to head. Harry was pondering all this information as they left the bank.

'So what's the plan now Harry?' Fred asked.

'I want Grimmauld place cleaned out of anything valuable. And find a way of getting rid of Kreacher' the younger teen replied absently. His eye was on Knockturn Alley.

'Of course' Remus sighed as he clocked where the teen was looking.

Fred and George grinned as Harry started walking in that direction. Never a dull moment with their little Lord.


	10. Chapter 10

_Just a quick chapter with no real importance to the story. I just wanted to add a few extra critters to the family. They may or may not have a mention in the story from here on. Ignore if you wish._

Harry wasn't sure exactly where he was going. Something just seemed to call him down. They headed into a narrow street where a filthy worn sign hung and sellers eyed them in suspicion.

'Harry this is the black market. Things bought here are normally highly illegal' Remus warned.

The teen nodded but he wasn't here to buy shady items. His eye was on one stall where a menagerie of animal sounds were coming from.

'Isn't there enough critters at home?' George asked.

'Well yes… And I had no real plans on getting more. But I don't know it seems a shame to leave them here. Who knows what they're being bought for' Harry replied.

He was thankful he'd placed a glamour on them before they entered. The men here looked like they ate nails for breakfast. Probably why their teeth were so bad.

There weren't more than a dozen cages here but the variety was astounding. A small white drake lay curled up in one. What looked like a giant ferret was in another. He even saw what looked like a baby basilisk. Whatever illegal trade was going on here he wouldn't let it continue.

'He's fifty galleons' a gruff voice barked.

Harry glanced back at the pitiful little bird. Golden snidgets were endangered and this little guy didn't look like he had long to live.

What was the point of Harry having all the money and power if things like this were happening?! There would be big changes in the wizarding world.

'I will give you 50 galleons for everything you have and not a knut more' Harry replied.

The man sneered and drew his wand.

'What you playing at you little runt!'

He found four wands trained on him and no-one in the alley willing to help.

'Well if you're going to be rude I have another offer. I'll take all your stock for free _and_ you stop doing illegal animal trade' Harry growled.

The other sellers were creeping forward but they couldn't pass the wall of energy. Realising the group were a powerful bunch they slunk away and started packing up their things. The kid seemed interested in the animals so they hoped he wouldn't be turning his eye on them.

The gruff man was not the brightest of the bunch. He snarled and lashed out with a bone breaking hex.

Harry frowned and sent the spell back at him, catching the man in the chest. Gurgling the man slumped down and stared in shock at the runt who'd stopped him.

'Well since you're not going to cooperate I'll just have to close this business down and confiscate your merchandise' Harry said.

He called on his elves who carefully popped away with the critters. He asked Mipsy, who was good at healing magic, to check over them until he got back.

Turning back to the man he tilted his head to the side.

'Now how can I make sure you won't just find some more critters?'

He smirked and turned to leave. Confused the others followed, wands at the ready.

'Oh I know!'

The man barely had time to sigh in relief before he started screaming. His flesh began to bubble and melt, dripping off his bones like ice cream off a stick. The other sellers watched horrified as the man melted away until there was a sticky skeleton in his place. Harry kept the twins and Remus from seeing the mess as they left the alley.

'And that goes for the rest of you as well. If I hear of any critters suffering, I will be back' Harry called back sternly.

He left Knockturn Alley sniggering at the looks on his companion's faces.

'What by Merlin did you do?!' Remus cried.

'Just be thankful I stopped you from seeing it' Harry replied.

He then grinned.

'So who's up for ice cream before we head back?'

The three watched as he skipped away to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour.

'Forge dear brother…'

'Yes Gred…?'

'I'm starting to feel sorry for Riddle and his deatheaters'.

'Me too'.

Remus shook his head. He wanted to go over and scold the boy, yell and ground him for the rest of the summer. But his saving people thing was a part of who Harry was. He couldn't bring himself to be angry that his godson treated every being equally and hated animal cruelty. He sighed and followed the teen. He was glad Harry stopped him from watching. Whatever happened to that guy, he wouldn't be able to continue his trade any more.

It took Harry a while to name all his new pets. Thankfully most were just in need of a clean up and a good meal. Eventually he was happy with his choices. There was:

Zethura the white lightning drake

Sasha the basilisk

Goldie the golden snidget

Sahara the young sphinx

Reaper the thestral

Ripple the baby hippocampus

Zecora the zebra/pegasus cross (pegasus that looks like zebra)

Midnight the black pegasus

Appollo the jarvey

Felix the chimaera

Onyx the jewelled tortoise

Teena, Tianna and Tasha the three fairy sisters.

And Ebony the little black fox. Harry had no idea why there was a little black fox in amongst the others. But it didn't matter to him.

Sasha was told not to use her death stare on anyone without permission, and happily let loose to follow Ash to the best sunlit spots. Ripple was given a huge tank that took up the entire right side of the dinning room until he was old enough to go to the lake. Goldie and Sapphire became fast friends. As did Felix, Sahara and Ruff. Zethura, who thankfully wouldn't grow as big as a normal dragon, was happily zooming here and there, finally giving Harry a chance to see Spook as she accidentally knocked the demiguise off the curtains. Harry used his magic to extend the barn he'd built for the others to house the newbies, although most would make their home somewhere on the grounds

Now most of these critters would not be considered the best of company. In fact if Harry was any other person he'd be lucky to have a few left by the end of the day. But all of his critters respected each other.

After all, he was Harry James Potter.


	11. Chapter 11

_Ok back to the main event._

After the trip to Diagon Alley Harry finally remembered to head to Grimmauld Place. His first port of call was the screeching as he and the others entered. He decided if he couldn't get Mrs Black's portrait down, he'd just take down the wall. The problem of Kreacher was solved when the gnarled elf tried to attack him for destroying the portrait. He dropped dead before he could reach Harry. Wrinkling his nose the teen called in the manor's elves and asked them to start cleaning, taking care with any dark magic items. He and Remus dealt with them. That's where he came across a surprise.

'Remus don't touch that one!'

The werewolf lowered his wand curiously.

'What's wrong Harry?'

'It's hissing. And I have a feeling my head would be killing me if the horcruxe was still there' Harry replied frowning. Why was there a horcruxe here?!

Remus' eyed widened as he looked back at the locket.

'What's a horcruxe doing here?!

'My thoughts exactly. Though I think I can find that out. I know a spell, if its cast at an object then it will show how said object got where it is' Harry replied.

Remus nodded and let his godson cast the spell. Both were surprised to see an image of Kreacher appear and try to open the locket, murmuring to himself.

'Drink the water. Drink all the water. Dead ones. Dead ones everywhere. Master Regulus! Kreacher will punish himself for letting Master Regulus die. Master Regulus gave Kreacher an order. Open stupid locket so Kreacher can destroy!'

'Regulus. Sirius' brother?' Harry breathed.

'If he wanted the locket destroyed… He must have been on our side' Remus whispered.

The image faded as Kreacher hid the locket away after unsuccessfully trying to open it. The two were left staring at it, realising another death of an innocent had occurred.

'I hope they met up with each other up there. It would please Sirius to know his brother was a good guy' Harry said quietly.

Remus nodded. He summoned a bag and cast a few spells at it, then carefully levitated the locket inside.

'I'll head back to the bank'.

Harry nodded as the werewolf left. So many deaths. The bastard would die and he would die horribly and painfully!

Once Remus got back with the assurance that the locket would be dealt with. They started back up. All assets were shrunk down to allow the elves a chance to really get at the grime. Remus was given the offer of living there once it was up to standards. The werewolf tearfully accepted, but only after Harry was old enough to live without him. With that Harry realised Grimmauld Place would need a new elf.

Thankfully he had another brainwave.

'Winky!'

The little elf was sober but only just. Wiping her nose on her dress she asked what Harry wanted her for. His offer of letting her become Remus' elf overwhelmed her. Overjoyed she accepted and quickly popped away to clean up, looking much better. She soon joined the others in getting Grimmauld Place back to its former glory.

With that done the group decided to start training. Tinker popped in to show Harry where the time slowing mechanism was and explained how it would work. He then with the other elves bought enough stuff to last everyone a year without needing to leave the manor, and a few stayed there to help out while the rest went back to Grimmauld Place. Remus had worked out that within a year they could get all the training they needed. And it would only be a little over two hours in real time. Leaving the rest of the summer for fun and deatheater hunting.

'Alright is everyone ready? No going back?'

'All ready Harry'.

'Raring to go'

'Might as well get this over with'.

Harry grinned at his godfather's sigh and set the manor's spell.

'Alright then. Who's ready for some training?'

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Arthur finished his packing and gave a last look around the room. All things considered he was being lenient. He'd allow Molly and her children to keep the Burrow while Arthur had decided on buying a home of his own. Bill, Charlie and the twins would have their own room along with Harry. At the moment he wasn't sure about Percy but another room could be made if need be. He and his eldest two had gone straight to the nearest estate agent immediately after leaving the bank. After a bit of discussion they'd agreed on a nice four bedroom house on the outskirts of London. There was a bit of land, more than enough for a garage and a good sized garden. With Sirius' money they were able to buy it there and then before leaving for the burrow to pack.

'Got everything?'

Arthur turned to his eldest. Bill was a fine example of a Weasley. Loyal, kind, with a good heart. He and young Fleur went well together. He wondered when she'd be back from France.

'All finished. How is Charlie managing?'

'He's got the living room and the kitchen cleared. I've done the attic and managed to see to the twin's room without triggering anything. Just the shed left' Bill replied with a smile.

Arthur smiled at the mention of he twins. They'd done well for themselves. As of course had Charlie. He was proud of his sons.

'I'll get to that now. Did you floo call Fred and George?'

'They ran in just as I was about to end the call. They looked…I don't know…older. More experienced. They mentioned something about slowing time down and to ask Harry. They're ready to help at a call' Bill replied.

The two talked a mile a minute but he worked out from the conversation that the Potter Manor had some kind of time slowing device, and that they'd all used it to train and catch up on their studies. He was pretty sure George mentioned something about a year. It had barely been three hours since they left the group yet here they were talking about taking a year to train. He couldn't wait to hear about it.

Arthur raised his eyebrows in interest as he and his son shrunk and brought the things downstairs. Time slowing? He would certainly be speaking to Harry about it.

They piled the shrunken boxes in the living room by the fire and while Arthur cleared the shed the boys double checked the house. Percy had taken most of his stuff with him when he left but there were a few items lying around. They fire called the twins who came through with Harry and Remus to help take the boxes to their new home. And just in the nick of time Arthur thought. Charlie had left with the last box when Molly and her children came in.

'You have excellent timing. I've decided to leave you the Burrow and move to my own place. The boys have just finished helping me move our things'.

Molly's eyes widened as she looked round the almost bare room.

'The clock…' she whispered.

'Yes, I have taken that as well. However the hands for you three have been taken off. I've placed them on the table over there along with some money. You can't say that I don't care about the ones I fathered. I trust you will make sure they are safe in this war' Arthur replied.

It was heartbreaking knowing his youngest two children were involved in this, but he couldn't cast them aside entirely. It was up to Molly to do the right thing with the money.

He could see the beginnings of a rant, from both her and Ginny. Ron looked like he was still wondering what happened. With a sigh Arthur turned and flooed away, shutting off the connection the moment he landed in his new home.

Molly raged when she realised he'd gone. How dare he imply that she couldn't take care of _her_ children! She'd already adopted them into the Prewett family after all. She glanced at the money. Her family vault didn't have much. She would need to find a rich family to marry her daughter off too if they had any hope of living up to the Prewett name.

Ron grumbled to himself. Typical that Harry would be a fag. No wonder he didn't go for Ginny. But he couldn't believe the twins! Oh well, they weren't his brothers any more. He smiled when he realised this meant he was now the oldest.

'Hey mum what's for lunch?'

She growled under her breath. Did that boy think of anything other than food?!

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Albus sat in his office trying to work out a plan to salvage the mess. He'd waited on Harry leaving the bank, only to find the boy flanked by Remus and the twins. He followed them into Knockturn Alley under a disillusionment charm and what he saw there made him worried. The casual way Harry had killed that man chilled him. Seeing the other three just walk away without looking back was also worrisome. Albus wondered if the horcruxe in the boy's head was starting to take over. He had to get Harry back under his control. Perhaps is he got to the twins it may convince the boy to come back to him. He pondered this as he watched the group make a quick stop for ice cream. His decision made Albus waited for them to leave so he could track them to wherever they were hiding. Once he found that out he would approach the twins. And Molly and her two weren't out the picture yet. Arthur would come around and bring them back into the family. He heard the pop of a portkey and sent out his magic to pick up the trail. With a smile he apparated away.

The smile vanished when he found himself floundering in a muddy pond, in the middle of nowhere.

Harry smirked as he entered his home. Tinker had told him exactly where uninvited guests were sent if they tried to appear in Potter Manor.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Harry stopped the time slowing spell and stretched. It was amazing the difference a year of _good_ teaching did. Their spell casting was at Auror level and their weapons training could very well be at master level. Harry was now very efficient with Big Delilah, as he'd christened his shotgun, and couldn't wait to try it on Moldywart. They'd even had the chance to learn more about the elves, and learn a little of their magic. Popping through wards would come in handy.

He waved Fred and George away as they headed back to work. They appeared back moments later to say their dad had found a nice new home and needed help packing and moving. It seemed as though the shop would never get its owners back. Harry and Remus were happy to help. It took a few hours to get everything moved and unpacked in the new Weasley home, and afterwards Harry invited them back to his to catch up. It felt like forever that he'd seen them.

'When did you get more critters? And weren't some of them supposed to be young? Is that a White Lightning Drake?!'

Harry laughed as he showed Charlie round. Having a year at their disposal the young critters had really grown. Tuff (griffon) was now the size of Buckbeak. And Ruff (manticore) was at least a size and a half bigger. Sahara (sphinx) was a good few feet taller as well. Ripple (hippocampus) was full grown and enjoying his new home in the lake. Sasha (basilisk) had gained another eight feet to her two. It would be a long time before she was fully grown. Zethura (drake) was just the right size to ride on, not that Harry wished to unless she was ok with it. He was pretty sure this was the largest she would get to. Little Ebony (fox) was also an adult now. All in all it was a zoo of critters that lived at Potter Manor and its grounds.

'Harry look!'

The teen glanced in the direction Charlie was pointing. There, out by the edge of the forest was a gorgeous sight.

A young silvery black unicorn had tentatively come out to see what all the noise was.

'Oh… She's beautiful…!' Harry breathed.

'She?' Charlie questioned.

'I don't know how but it's definitely a female. I wonder where her herd is? She seems a bit young to be wondering around alone' Harry replied.

It was Zecora (zebra/pegasus cross) who made the first move. She'd seen her master and friend watching the forest and spotted the little faun. Well her mother had always taught her to read the emotions of other creatures, and she could sense the little one was lost and alone. With a snort she took to the air and flew over, landing gently and carefully so as not to scare the youngling. She whinnied softly and beckoned the little one over. It spoke of fear and pain as she was forced to run from the herd. Zecora snuffled her mane in comfort. She told the young faun of her own pain and fear. She then spoke of the happy place she'd been brought to and of her kind master. The little faun whinnied curiously. What was a master? Zecora nudged her towards the direction of the house, to where her master was standing. She spoke of the other creatures and how all of them lived together without fear. The little one was unsure, she wasn't used to kindness. Her herd had turned on her when they realised she was a cursed one. Zecora snorted. A cursed one! Madness! Colour did not make one cursed. She too had been driven away from the herd because her mother had mated with a different creature. So had Midnight (black pegasus). Nothing wrong with it! Her father was a proud equine. Fought with his last breath to protect her from the bad humans. Well her decision was made up. This little one would be hers and she and Midnight would teach her the way of the equines. She looked towards her master. He surely wouldn't mind having another. She nuzzled her faun and headed back towards the house. The little faun whinnied and ran to catch up. She had a new mother and was going to see a master! Oh what fun!

Harry and Charlie watched in amazement as Zecora went over to the young unicorn.

'I think you may have a new member to the family Harry' Charlie said.

The teen nodded silently as Zecora brought the faun over to meet them.

'Hey girl. Did you realise this little one was alone?'

Zecora snorted as he petted her. He couldn't help but smile as the faun trotted over bold as brass to snuffle at his hand.

'Well aren't you a brave one. I think I'll call you Hope'.

Zecora ruffled her feathers. Hope was a good name for her little faun. What a clever master for thinking of it.

Remus was sitting talking with Arthur when one of the twins called out to him.

'Hey Remus. I think you should see this'.

Curiously he got up and glanced out the window.

'Good Merlin! Is there anything Harry can't do?!'

Arthur and Bill followed to join him and the twins.

'Is that a unicorn?'

'More than that. It's a black unicorn. Do you know how rare they are?!' George said.

'Our Harry eh Forge' Fred grinned.

His twin turned to him and nodded.

'Yeah Gred. He's a miracle worker alright'.


	12. Chapter 12

'Alright Harry. The Weasleys have been seen to. The Will seen to. Grimmauld Place seen to. Training. I guess what I'm asking now is…'

'What's the plan Harry' the twins finished with Remus.

Laughing Harry shook his head. They'd given their farewells to Arthur, Bill and Charlie the night before and were now enjoying breakfast.

'You guys are hanging around each other way too much!'

Sighing and wiping his eye he went to continue.

The arrival of Hedwig with the daily prophet stopped him and almost eagerly he skimmed through as she took a few pieces of bacon.

'I believe our next target is the Daily Prophet offices. And our lovely Rita Skeeter. Also I'm thinking about opening an animal sanctuary here. And perhaps a home for abused house elves. I'm going to need to see the minister about it. Well I don't _have_ to but it'd be nice to stop by. And since Madam Kappa…I mean Madam Umbitch… Since she will likely be there as well I reckon I'll just have to deal with her too. Umm I think that's everything' he said.

'Well as much as we'd like to stay and watch the fun…'

'We really have to get back to work' the twins said.

The quickly finished up and gave Harry a kiss goodbye before flooing away.

'Ah well. Remus, you up for some fun?' Harry asked.

The werewolf sighed.

'Well… I suppose so'.

'You know you love it' Harry grinned and shot upstairs to change.

Remus shook his head but smiled. So maybe he did enjoy, it a little.

He glanced at the paper and snorted. This really will be fun

_NEW LORD BLACK FOUND!_

_Yesterday we at the Daily Prophet have discovered that the title of Lord Black has been handed to a new owner. And to the surprise of us all it fell to one Harry Potter! Our researchers did some digging and found that the next in line for the title should have gone to Draco Malfoy. The convict Sirius Black somehow managed to change the procedure by handing the title to his godson Mr Potter. We at the Daily Prophet are asking the question why. We were able to hold some interviews regarding this decision._

_'He's a menace! He's got everything and now he's got this title! And we got kicked out the family because of him!' Ron Weasley._

_'The boy's not right in the head. He may have been correct about the rise of You-Know-Who but he's simply being an arrogant child and wrecking everything' Molly Weasley._

_'We were supposed to be married and he goes and ruins it. We shared a kiss at school! I thought he loved me!' A tearful Ginny Weasley comments._

_Headmaster Albus Dumbledore was unavailable for comment. The goblins were being tight lipped about the issue and Mr Potter has not been seen since the events at the ministry, presumed in hiding._

_MALFOY NOW BLACK!_

_As the title of Lord Black falls to Harry Potter, so comes the fall of a respectable family name. Upon achieving the title, Mr Potter's eye then turned to the Malfoy family. The marriage between Lord Lucius Malfoy and Lady Narcissa Malfoy was dissolved and young Draco Malfoy became Draco No-name until his mother adopted him into the Black family. Lord Malfoy will now have to pay back the bride dowry and has lost his heir to the Malfoy fortune. He was unable to comment due to being incarcerated at Azkaban for being in the wrong place at the wrong time._

_Mr Malfoy was understandably unable to comment._

_WEASLEY FAMILY IN BREAK UP!_

_Shocking developments arose when this paper found that the monarch of the family Weasley, Mrs Molly Weasley nee Prewett was cast out of the family and her marriage dissolved by husband Arthur Weasley. It was understood that this event happened during the Will reading regarding the new Lord Black. Molly Prewett's two youngest children, Ronald and Ginevra were also cast out of the family. And the reason for this? They borrowed money from Harry Potter and he wanted it back all at once, with interest! Mr Potter also inherited the title of Lord Black. We ask our readers, is this young man becoming power hungry? Already he has torn the family Weasley and the family Malfoy apart. Where will he strike next?!_

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

They headed up the steps to the Prophet building and headed inside. They were met at the reception by a glitzy barely out of her teens girl.

'Can I help you?' she asked, turning her nose up at the shabbily dressed man and the teen.

'Yes. I was hoping to speak to the manager' Harry replied politely. With all the training, his scar barely visible and his eyes corrected so without glasses he hardly looked like Harry Potter.

'I'm afraid the manager is very busy. He won't be able to see you' she replied snootily.

Like the manager would really want to speak to a beggar and a wet behind the ears teen.

'Oh but it's really urgent. See I noticed an article in the paper today and I…'

'The Daily Prophet does not accept liability for jilted lovers or other superficial items. We print the truth' she snapped.

Why couldn't they take the hint and get lost?!

'The truth? Are you perhaps mistaking this paper for a real business?' Harry asked curiously.

He was loving this.

'How dare you! This establishment sends papers to every wizarding home in Britain! We are a respectable business! Get out! SECURITY!'

'Ah yes a good idea. Yes you call security. I'm sure they'll be happy to send you out on your rear' Harry mused.

He turned to Remus who was trying hard not to laugh.

'Can you imagine?! Talking that way to the owner. It's downright rude!'

He looked back and gave her a sweet smile.

'Of course you could be new here. It's possible you don't know who the owner is?'

'I've been working here for five years and I know everyone that works in this business! You are not the owner and if you think I'll believe a snot nosed kid over myself then you've got another thing coming!' she screeched.

'Snot nosed kid?! Well now she's just being insulting. I mean for one thing I'm fifteen' Harry hummed to himself.

'So then who is the owner?' he asked innocently.

'Like I'm really going to tell you! Get out! WHERE IS SECURITY?!'

'Security is currently counting out their last set of wages and hoping they'll have enough to last until they find a new job' Harry replied with a smile.

He then turned serious.

'Tell you what. I'll give you the answer. The owner of this business. The one who has the most shares, well all shares in this business. That would be the Potter family. And clearly you need glasses more than me because you're staring at the last of the Potter line'.

She opened her mouth, then closed it slowly. She took a good look at him, eyes travelling to his forehead. He casually brushed back his now shoulder length hair, giving her a good view of his scar. She needed to squint slightly to see it, but it was there.

She paled.

'Yes, well now that's been taken care of. Don't suppose you'll let me see the manager?' Harry asked.

Nodding she pointed the way to the man's office.

'Thanks. And I should mention that you really need to do your research. But you'll have plenty of time to do that while you're looking for a new job, won't you?' Harry said sweetly and he and Remus walked away.

They may have heard her sobbing behind them.

'You can let it out now Remus'.

The werewolf burst out laughing.

'Oh Sirius would have loved that! The wizarding world will never be the same!'

Smiling Harry pushed opened the door to the manager's office.

They'd left an hour later. He'd given the man an ultimatum.

'Either you print the truth and nothing but the truth or I close this joint down and kick your sorry ass onto the street'.

Harry then gave the man the scoop on his whole life, right up to that day. He also included the life story of one Tom Marvolo Riddle. As he left the offices he wondered where Rita was. Oh well, he was sure he'd come across her at some point.

'Alright Remus. I've got a minister to wind up and you've got some shopping to do. Don't give me that look, Sirius told you to spend his money on clothes and I won't let you wriggle out of it'.

Remus thought to argue then decided against it. If he wasn't in new clothes by the end of the day he was pretty sure Harry would hand him over to the twins. He shuddered and nodded.

'Alright Harry. You be careful'.

'I'm always careful' the teen laughed as he portkeyed away.

Shaking his head Remus wondered just what fireworks he'd let off this time. He eyed Madam Malkin's and shrugged. Acromantula silk robes were rather nice.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Harry handed the pale man his wand to check then breezed past the desk and headed straight to the minister's office. He clocked movement out the corner of his eye and smirked slightly as a little Bug landed on his robes. Three birds with one stone. He didn't bother knocking and just headed in.

'Minister Fudge! It's been ages!'

'What the…! Potter! What are you doing here?! SECURITY!'

'What is it with everyone and security today' Harry wondered out loud.

Clearly the man hadn't noticed the subtle buzz of magic putting up silencing wards.

'Alright here's the deal Fudgy old boy. I need a permit for an animal sanctuary and a home for abused house elves. I could have gone to the correct department for it but then I'd have to sign here and fill out here and send it here and wait god knows how long while nothing gets done. So I thought I just come to you. I'm sure you can get the paperwork sent up and signed off quickly. What do you say?'

The man blustered and huffed and wandered where the hell security was. He was saved, or so he thought, by the entrance of Madam Umbitch.

Nah… Harry felt Kappa Lady worked better.

'Cornelius we have a situation in…WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!'

'Hiya Umbitch… Sorry I mean _Umbridge_, god that name of yours is sure hard to pronounce' Harry said with a wave.

She had her want in her hand and ready to cast. Fudge wouldn't care.

'Now don't be like that. Here come sit and I'll tell you about my plans for a house for abused house elves and an animal sanctuary' Harry smiled and patted the chair next to him.

He then turned back to the minister.

'I'm sure we can come to an agreement'.

They had to be stupid not to notice the crackle of magic around them. Sneering the Kappa Lady moved the seat to Fudge's side and sat down.

'Yes… Well I suppose me can work something out. So what sort of animals are we talking about?' Fudge asked nervously.

'Oh you know. The usual. Griffons, manticores. And I'm thinking we could hire people with creature blood. You know, werewolves, vampires, perhaps some veelas. That way we're giving them a chance to earn money and we can research these so called dangerous animals. I think they're just misunderstood' Harry answered, smiling serenely.

'Now you see here! These _creatures_ are not allowed to work. If we gave them jobs they'd have more chance to attack respectable members of the public' Kappa Lady seethed.

'Well now that got me thinking. Attack rates have actually risen since those silly laws were put in place. I mean after all if a werewolf can't work then they can't get wolfsbane. It's really easy to see that. I'm sure if we just… KILLER BEE!'

Harry grabbed the closest thing, which happened to be the chair he was sitting on, and started madly waving it around trying to crush the threat.

Rita wasn't getting away after he'd sealed the room.

'Mr Potter what…?!' Fudge cried as he and Kappa Lady jumped to their feet.

'DON'T MOVE IT'S A KILLER BEE! I'LL GET IT!'

He swung the chair over and over. Hitting cabinets and books and sending papers and splinters everywhere.

'DIE KILLER BEE!'

Eventually Rita had to change back before she was…

SQELTCH!

Nevermind.

'I got it Sir. No killer bees are getting to our minister'.

Fudge nervously approached the squashed mess.

'It…it's just a bug?'

Harry blinked and looked carefully.

'So it is. Huh, could have sworn it was a killer bee. They've got the same markings you know.

He put the broken chair back down and smiled.

'Well that's a relief! Do you know how painful it would have been if a killer bee stung you?! Ouch! So about that permit?'

The minister was eager to get this boy out of his office. The papers were brought up and signed within minutes and they hurried him out the door with a quick thank you. The Kappa Lady didn't notice her missing wand until she'd gone home for the day.

Harry smiled and twirled his new toy around his fingers. Another few ticks on his checklist.


	13. Chapter 13

Well that was fun Harry thought. He wished he'd thought of Umbitch's nickname earlier so he could put it in the paper. In fact… That was an idea…

Ten minutes later he left the Daily Prophet and whistled a cheerful song as he headed home.

The next day came the all important headlines. Harry chuckled to himself as he and the others read through it.

_BOY WHO LIVED IN ABUSIVE HOME!_

_The paper prides itself in printing the truth. However we regret to announce that this is not the case. Our readers have heard many a tale about the famous boy who lived. Is he the next Merlin? Is he the next Dark Lord? Is he nothing more than a selfish arrogant liar?_

_Well we have been given the honour of printing the real story. The truth about Harry Potter and his life. And this paper is not happy with what we've heard._

_On that fateful Halloween night while we were celebrating the fall of You-Know-Who, our savour was left lying alone on a cold doorstep of a muggle home. The boy who lived has grown up with beatings for breathing too loudly, starved of both attention and food, and called a cupboard his bedroom. He has been subjected to a horrific game called Harry hunting by his cousin and other children. His relatives spread rumours that he was an unbalanced child who constantly and deliberately got into trouble while his cousin was an angel who wouldn't harm a fly. Our savour was forced to lag behind in his studies for fear of a beating if he did better than his cousin. Any hint of magic in the house left him with broken bones and locked in his cupboard for days on end. He had no idea of our world until he was given his Hogwarts letter, of course only after his relatives tore several of them up and forbade him from opening any._

_Upon arriving at Hogwarts Mr Potter's only wish was to do well at school and make friends. This however was not he case. He was subjected to mental abuse from a teacher and when he complained was given a pat on the head and sent off by the headmaster. Mr Potter gave us a list of his years so far:_

_In his first year he rescued a fellow student from a troll which was let in by a teacher. He was attacked by a cerberus. He uncovered a plot to lure You-Know-Who into the school with a philosopher's stone brought in by the headmaster. He fought and defeated You-Know-Who who had possessed a teacher. _

_In his second year he was shunned and accused of being Slytherin's heir for being a parseltongue. He discovered the hidden Chamber of Secrets and killed a sixty foot basilisk, rescuing a fellow student. He fought and defeated You-Know-Who. He was also almost obliviated by a fraudster of a teacher._

_In his third year he was attacked by dementors several times while uncovering the innocence of his godfather Sirius Black, and was forced to take action to save the former Lord Black when our esteemed headmaster failed again to prove his innocence._

_In his fourth year he was forced to participate in the tri-wizard tournament and again shunned by students for supposedly cheating his way in. We all know of the tasks he was put through during this. He was then portkeyed to a graveyard and forced to take part in a ritual to revive You-Know-Who, before which a fellow champion was killed in front of him. No-one believed You-Know-Who was back and branded him a liar._

_In his fifth year he was tortured by no less than two teachers. Madam Dolores Umbridge, affectionately known as Kappa, used a blood quill on many students in the school as punishment for anything she deemed unacceptable behaviour, one of which was being in the possession of fellow paper the Quibbler. It was also, tragically, the year Mr Potter and friends breeched the ministry to battle You-Know-Who, and where his godfather was killed._

_This on top of being bullied by teachers and students alike. Being branded the next dark lord._

_I'm sure our readers will share our feelings of shock but this is not the end of the story._

_For the one who left him there, all those years ago. The one who lured You-Know-Who into a school. The one who did not close the school when it was known to host a dangerous creature. The one who did not call for a re-sort at the tournament. And the one who ignored our savour when he needed the most help, was none other than our own Albus Dumbledore!_

_Mr Potter stresses to us that his achievements were not done alone. He had the help of many of his friends, some of them now former friends._

_Mr Potter also says that he will be looking into any dealings that claim to have the "real" story of Harry Potter and take action against them._

_Mr Potter then asked us a question. Is it not the right of a witch or wizard to stand on trial for their supposed crimes? We of course answered this with a resounding yes. Mr Potter then informed us of another home truth. Sirius Black, supposed murder of the Potters and one Peter Pettigrew, was not given a trial. We asked Mr Potter why this information was important. He then to the surprise of us all brought out a vial of veritaserum, allowed us to check it to ensure it was a truth serum, then swallowed three drops and handed us a questionnaire sheet. This was done in front of witnesses. It and his answers are printed below:_

_Was Sirius Black a deatheater? No._

_Did Sirius Black betray the Potters? No._

_Was Sirius Black the Potter's secret keeper No._

_Who was the Potter's secret keeper? Peter Pettigrew._

_Did Sirius Black kill Peter Pettigrew No._

_Was Peter Pettigrew a deatheater Yes._

_Was Peter Pettigrew responsible for the Potter's deaths? Yes._

_Once the veritaserum wore off Mr Potter then reminded us that Sirius Black, pureblood and Lord of the Black family, was not given a trial. He also said that the fidelius spell that was used to hide the Potters, was cast by Albus Dumbledore who then accepted the Potter's choice for secret keeper._

_We at the Prophet are outraged that a member of the pureblood elite spent over ten years in Azkaban for a crime he did not commit! And we ask the following questions:_

_Why was a baby left on a doorstep?_

_Why did no-one check up on our saviour?_

_Why did Albus Dumbledore allow these atrocities to happen at Hogwarts? Supposedly the safest place in wizarding Britain?_

_Why does he hire unsuitable, incompetent, downright dangerous people to teach our children?_

_Why did Albus Dumbledore not speak up about the former Lord Black's innocence?_

_We invite Albus Dumbledore, and the Minister to answer these questions and challenge them to prove Mr Potter's words wrong._

_YOU-KNOW-WHO A HALF-BLOOD!_

_This incredible truth was given to us, with evidence, by Mr Potter himself. He states that You-Know-Who's true name is Tom Marvolo Riddle, born from muggle Tom Riddle and witch Merope Gaunt. He goes on to say that Riddle's mother dosed his father with love serum then stopped when she fell pregnant, which caused the man to flee from her. She gave birth in an orphanage and named her child Tom Marvolo Riddle before sadly passing away. The child developed a cruel streak as a result of bullying which only got worse when he arrived at Hogwarts. Sorted into Slytherin Riddle used the resources to gain knowledge, eventually becoming Head Boy despite his cruel ways. He discovered his heritage and tracked down his muggle father, killing him and his grandparents in a fit of rage and blaming it on his uncle. Upon leaving school he gathered a group of followers, eventually calling themselves deatheaters. He changed his name to Lord V***** by using his original as an anagram._

_This child was allowed to continue his cruel ways in school, using the creature of the Chamber of Secrets to kill a fellow student and blame another for the crime. The position of Head Boy was gifted to him again by none other than Albus Dumbledore._

_Why did Albus Dumbledore allow this child to continue this way?_

_Is he doing the same thing to potential evil witches and wizards in children today?_

'Amazing what information you can find about people in books' Harry mused.

For days afterwards, Madam Umbridge couldn't figure out why people where mooning her wherever she went.

MEANWHILE IN A SCARY EVIL LORD LAIR…

'CRUCIO! CRUCIO CRUCIO CRUCIO! CAN'T ANYONE DO ANYTHING RIGHT AROUND HERE?!'

'But my Lord we cannot attack the Daily Prophet! There are powerful wards around the building!'

'THAT IS NO EXCUSE! I WANT THAT PLACE BURNT TO THE GROUND! CRUCIO!'

Lord Voldermort sighed and petted Nagini. Why did his best deatheaters have to be the ones in Azkaban? Well, he'd just have to break them out again. They'd do what they were told and destroy that blasted paper!

'My Lord is it true you're a half-blood?'

'AHH! CRUCIO!'


	14. Chapter 14

Ok, Inheritance. Check.

Sirius' Will reading. Check.

Training. Check.

See to relatives. Check.

Get Remus sorted with Grimmauld Place. Check.

See to the Weasleys good and bad. Check.

Permit for an animal sanctuary and home for abused house elves. Check.

Sort out story with the daily Prophet. Check.

Moldywart. Uncheck.

Fuckerbore. Half check, working on.

Deatheaters. Uncheck.

Horcruxes. Scar, diary, cup, locket, ?, ?, ?, ?. Half check, working on.

'Hmm…' Harry mused as he looked over the list. There should be more on it. He glanced at Slytherin's locket the goblins sent him once they'd removed the horcruxe. Another founder's item. Hopefully they find the others soon. He looked back to the list. Perhaps he could add Kappa Lady. She really needed to go. It wasn't really his job to deal with the minister, but Fudgy could stand to be replaced. Severus should also be on it separately. Deatheater he be but working for the side of light he was.

Harry snorted. That's what he got for watching Starwars. He was glad he'd gotten Duddykins' TV to work in the manor. Of course he just had to enlarge it. The twins loved it. Remus was a fan as well. Oh they'd had a grand old time with the things Harry got from his cousin. They'd even taken another trip to the muggle world to buy anything that caught their fancy. The twins were in awe of Harrods. For reasons unknown to Harry or Remus, the things Fred and George bought most was stuffed toys. Harry figured they were for target practice. Well the massive life sized elephant wasn't, the twins were most often found sprawled across its back when they weren't at work. Called it Heffalump. Perhaps Pooh Bear wasn't the best thing to let them watch. Some of the pets had taken a shine to the other stuffed critters. It was a little disturbing, funny but disturbing to see Digger hump the stuffed Labrador.

He glanced over as the floo flared up.

'Lady Black. How are you?'

'I am fine Harry. Though I'd like for you to call me Narcissa. I am currently at my sisters and wondered if we may come through. My son is not with us' she replied.

'Of course you can all come through. Draco's not being…difficult, is he?' Harry replied.

'There is no need to worry. I know how to deal with my son. We will be through in a moment' Narcissa replied.

Harry called for the others that they had guests as Narcissa, Andromeda and Nymphadora through. Ted was at work.

'Wotcha Harry. How are you?' Nymphadora asked with less excitement as normal.

Harry gave a small sad smile.

'I'm ok. What about all of you?'

Tonks shrugged as her mother answered.

'We've been ok. I haven't really seen Sirius since he came out of Azkaban. Nymphadora's been telling us about him'.

Her daughter gave her a frown and a huff for her name but otherwise remained silent.

Harry nodded and invited them into the dinning room where they all sat down for a light lunch.

'That interview you gave for the paper's causing an uproar. I wouldn't recommend going out in public for a while' Narcissa mentioned.

Nymphadora snorted.

'It was brilliant Harry! Everyone's mooning Umbridge wherever she goes!'

The twins cracked up, becoming hysterical when Harry told the group exactly what happened in the minister's office.

'Killer bee…!' George snorted.

'Kappa Lady…!' Fred cackled.

'Priceless!' they finished.

'I leave you for an hour and you cause chaos. I knew I should have gone with you' Remus sighed, fighting a grin.

'You're lucky you didn't. If you had gone with me you wouldn't have gone clothes shopping. And if you didn't go clothes shopping then not only would I have set the twins on you, I would have had Tonks on you as well' Harry laughed.

'Too right you would!' Nymphadora sniggered, smirking when Remus went pale at the thought.

The Black sisters fought to keep from giggling.

'Now I may not have spoken to Sirius since he left Azkaban, but he would be proud of you' Andromeda said.

'Alright. Enough of the hilarity. Do you ladies have any plans for the rest of the summer?' Harry said after a while.

'At the moment no. Ted and I have been thinking about a vacation with Nymphadora. Of course now that Narcissa is back with us we wouldn't be leaving her out. But it's unlikely it will happen until this threat has been removed. We wouldn't want to leave our daughter here' Andromeda replied.

'And I say you two should head out before things get even more out of control!' Nymphadora argued.

'We're working on it guys. The twins, Remus and I have been training. We've got a feeling Moldywart will attempt another breakout at Azkaban. He's predictable enough to do it after I told the world about him. My next port of call will be to head to Azkaban and place tracking charms on each and every deatheater prisoner. With that we'll catch them out the next time they attempt a large scale attack. I know Moldywarts already tried to attack the Daily Prophet offices, not that he'll get past my wards. It will anger him enough to push him to getting his inner circle back' Harry explained.

'I'd actually feel a lot better if you were all out of the country. Even Draco as much as I want to deny it. Tonks do you think you could get some sort of holiday?' he continued.

'It's unlikely Harry. The minister may be an idiot but Madam Bones won't allow any of her Aurors to skive of with attacks happening. Besides, I'm not leaving here and letting you lot have all the fun' she replied with a cheeky grin.

Harry sighed dramatically.

'This right here is why I'd rather go with my own sex'.

He earned a few chuckles and he grinned and stood up.

'Well then I have a suggestion. How about all of you stay here for a while and train? In fact we could invite Arthur, Bill and Charlie as well. And Mr Tonks. They're unlikely to leave the country either if I ask. I'd feel better if you all trained'.

They spent a few moments flooing the others. Thankfully Ted was finished with his case for the day and could come through. Harry gave them a tour and explained how the time slowing device worked. He also introduced everyone to the pets and the elves. The group quickly agreed to stay for a couple of hours, which would give them a years training.

'Ok everyone. You all head home and pack enough stuff for a year, while I head off to Azkaban' Harry said, grabbing his cloak and running out the house.

'And exactly how is he going to get to Azkaban without alerting others' Andromeda asked.

'All that training has given us a big boost. We're read just about every book in the manor and learned every spell. You wouldn't believe how many spells there are that make you untraceable' Fred explained.

'Harry's also got an advantage with his invisibility cloak. Using it and his magic he could go just about everywhere' George followed.

Harry returned thirty minutes later.

'All done. Who's ready for some training?'

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Albus put the paper down and rubbed his eyes. This had been going on for too long. Already the elves had to dispose of dozens of howlers ranging from accusations of letting a psychopathic murderer go to Hogwarts to protests at leaving a baby alone on a doorstep. And he still couldn't find Harry. Molly and her children were practically bankrupted. Arthur and his children was in a new home that no-one could find. Grimmauld Place was closed off to all members of the Order. Fawkes had disappeared. And now this.

'Albus?'

Sighing he glanced at the floo. This wasn't gong to end well.

'Yes Severus? What information do you have for me?'

The potions master came out and dusted himself off before taking a seat.

'The Dark Lord is gearing up for another breakout in Azkaban. The column in the paper has enraged him and he can't attack the Prophet building. His new followers are inexperienced but if he gets the others out of prison he'll be able to launch another strong attack'.

Albus took a few moments to think. If the imprisoned deatheaters were released, then they would cause havoc on the wizarding world. This would steer the public to call out for their saviour. He could use this to play on Harry's guilt. After all, deatheaters eventually kill those they play with. If he could get just one of Harry's friends there… Yes… Yes that may just work.

'I believe we should keep this to ourselves. If the public were to learn of another breakout attempt it would send them into a panic. We shall place a few people there to contain the prisoners. After all if Voldermort's new recruits are so inexperienced then a few well placed fighters will prevent them from rescuing the others. Thank you Severus, we shall see how this plays out'.

He watched as the younger man nodded and head back through the floo. This would work out. A few more deaths and Harry will be pleading to come back.


	15. Chapter 15

'Hey Harry'.

'Hmmm?'

'What are these?'

Harry peeked out from under the bed.

'What? Oh those. They're to advertise my new animal sanctuary and home for house elves. I've put them up all over wizarding Britain'.

Remus glanced back to the little iridescent cards.

'They don't say anything'.

'They won't unless someone passes that need the service. Then they will call out and grab that person's attention. I've also included them in the Daily Prophet so they'll reach the elves. Basically they explain my cause and give people a way to contact me. Or give a hidden message to elves so they can just pop in for help'.

Remus nodded, quite impressed. Then he gave a small shudder as he wondered just what new pets his godson will obtain.

'Harry'.

'Hmmm?'

'One more question. Why are you crawling round under the bed?'

'Because I _know_ Fred and George have a box full of _special_ toys and I can't find it!'

'Special to…?' Remus started then blushed and nodded.

'Ah. Well then… I suppose I'd better leave you to it'.

As he headed back downstairs he had a sudden thought.

Special toys… Wonder where the twins got them?

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

It was eight in the morning at Potter Manor. The training was complete and everyone not living there had headed home after having dinner. The rest headed to bed for a good nights sleep.

Then the alarm sounded. The overly loud, wailing alarm.

Remus couldn't quite figure out how he got on the top of his wardrobe. Nor had he any clue where his wand was. As he was easing his way down Harry burst into the room.

'The games a foot! Hurry we're going to be late!'

He paused and squinted at his godfather sitting on the edge of the wardrobe.

'Hey Remus?'

'Yes Harry'.

'Nice PJs' and the teen rushed out.

Remus smacked his forehead.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

_If anyone wishes a soundtrack to this part might I suggest Wagner, Ride of the Valkyries. And perhaps the challenge not to laugh?_

'Positions people!'

'Harry you and I are the only ones here' Remus replied.

'And we are people which means we should be in position!'

'Where are the twins?' the werewolf asked, absentmindedly checking over his sniper rifle.

'They'll be along soon. Said something about needing steeds. Now get into position!'

Muttering about crazy godsons Remus headed to the rooftop with the best view.

Harry grinned and started bringing out his toys. The alarm meant that Moldywart had finally got his pals out of Azkaban and were ready to attack. The destination, Diagon Alley.

Harry and team arrived seconds after the deatheaters. Harry immediately set up shielding spells around the buildings and the terrified people. Then he pointed Remus to the best rooftop.

He pouted when he realised Moldywart may not be coming.

Since no-one was in any danger, deatheaters aside, Harry stood for a while and watched the chaos. He sniggered when a few deatheaters dropped where they stood, while others looked on dumbly.

Giving a sniper rifle to Remus was a great idea.

He heard an eagle's cry and grinned. Here come the twins

George atop Buckbeak and Fred on Tuff (griffon). Army uniforms on; helmets in place; wands in hand; goodies strapped to their sides; steeds rigged with armour and helmets of their own.

Harry felt sorry for the death eaters.

While they took care of the unimportant ones, Harry got out Big Delilah and loaded it. Helmet in place he then went hunting for the big game. He hit Snape with a petrificus totalus and left him until he was done with the others.

'Aww… Isn't wittle Potty all cute with his wittle toys…?'

'Hiya Bella!'

BOOM!

'What the…?!'

'Avery! Long time no see!'

BOOM!

'You must be Dolohov?'

'Filthy Mud…!'

BOOM!

'Aren't you Goyle Sr?

'Yeah?'

BOOM!

'Then you must be Crabbe Sr'.

'What's it to you?'

BOOM!

'The Carrow brothers!'

BOOM! BOOM!

'Macnair! Old buddy old pal!'

BOOM!

'Wow Mr Nott Sir you look just like your kid!'

BOOM!

'Lucius!'

BO…

'Wait I actually want you alive. I think I missed someone…'

'EEEK!'

'Ah, Pettigrew! But of course'.

BOOM!

'HARRY POTTER!'

He spun to find Dobby standing there with his arms crossed.

'Aw come on! I'm not in the manor!'

'Did Harry Potter even think about all the peoples watching?!'

Guiltily Harry looked around to all the traumatised faces.

Oops.

He sent a pleading look to Dobby.

'Sorry… You think maybe you could…'

The little elf just huffed and snapped his fingers. The bloody mess was cleaned up and the innocent bystander's memories were altered slightly to forget the carnage.

'You're the best Dobby!'

His answer was a few swats with a wooden spoon as the elf popped away with the two remaining prisoners.

'Demented elf'.

'Dobby heard that!'

SWACK!

'YELP!'

Grumbling Harry rubbed his bum and went to check on Remus and the twins.

'HARRY POTTER!'

'OH COME ON GIVE ME A BREAK!'

Frustrated he spun to find Fuckerbore, Fudgy and Kappa Lady, along with the Order of the Phoenix and a squad of Aurors.

'Where the heck were you?! We've already taken care of it!' Harry yelled.

He huffed and ignored them, heading to his godfather and lovers.

'Have fun?' the twins asked.

He nodded through his sulk. The twins started to ask then realised who was following him.

'Harry! Do you realise what you've done?!'

'Yes _Dumbledore_. We've just rid the world of dangerous criminals' Harry growled back.

He spotted Tonks pouting at him for missing on the fun and smirked.

'You blew them up Potter! What by Merlin are those…those…_things_ that you used?!' Fudgy blustered.

'Muggle weapons. Brilliant what non-magicals come up with' Harry replied cheekily.

'YOU'RE IN TROUBLE FOR THIS _BOY_! THE MINISTRY WILL HAVE YOU AND YOUR COHARTS DONE FOR MURDER AND IMPROPER USE OF MUGGLE ITEMS IN OUR WORLD!' Kappa Lady shrieked.

'Oh hi Umbitch….I mean _Umbridge_. Didn't notice you there' Harry said, quickly giving her a moon in greeting. The twins quickly followed. While she blustered and pointed and screeched like a banshee, He turned back to Fudgy.

'Oh and I should tell you that I've done some reading regarding muggle items and while I really don't care about following it, I've noticed there's nothing in the law about having guns. Then again since very few wizards really know about guns so I guess there wouldn't be. Also I can't see why anyone _wants_ these deatheaters to stay alive. I'm doing people a favour'.

'Now Harry…'

'Lord Potter Black _if_ you don't mind'.

Albus growled to himself. He thought he had this all sorted. The deatheaters would come, cause a few deaths and wreck havoc. Then he would come and save the day, then push the blame onto Harry for not showing. Or if he did then play him with guilt and have him begging to come back. But this… Not even one death. Not even one person injured. How did the boy do this?! And those…muggle weapons. Combining muggle and magical was just not on! What if someone else got the same idea?!

'There was no need for deaths. I know they were Deatheaters but we have a perfectly good prison. After we give them a fair trial'.

Harry snorted.

'Yeah, like my fair trial. Like Sirius' fair trial. Like Hagrid's fair trial!'

He shook his head and sighed dramatically.

'No…no it seems the ministry just can't do their jobs correctly. Not that I'm insulting those good people that are being blocked from doing good. No it's best I bring the law into my own hands. After all, plenty of others were doing it, why shouldn't the Boy Who Lived?'

'YOU THINK YOURSELF ABOVE THE LAW! YOU'RE A CRIMINAL!' Kappa Lady screeched.

Shaking his head Harry went over to her, subtly blocking others from stopping him.

'Now my dear Umbitch…whatever. I know you're upset form seeing all this blood and gore. You're such a sensitive woman I know it just about kills you to see all these people dead and such. Don't you worry your pretty little head about it. I've taken care of all the baddies. You don't need to look at them any more'.

Putting on a sympathetic face while taking her hand and patting her shoulder he inwardly laughed himself silly. He and the twins had spoken at length about what to do with her. Eventually they agreed that she needed to go, and go slowly and painfully. Thus the potion he'd doused her pocket with would do just that.

He wondered if there was such a thing as death by laxative.

She pulled away from him in disgust and brought a hanky out her pocket to wipe her hands. That potion would hit everything she ate as long as she touched it. Considering her passion for pastries Harry felt it wouldn't take long to come into effect.

'Now then. I have a date with two…well one hot guy to get to, and you probably have some paperwork to do. So I guess we'll see you later'.

Fuckerbore frowned and drew his wand.

'STUP…!'

'ACCIO DUMBLEDORE'S WAND!'

Harry stood gobsmasked as the elder wand sailed into his hand. He hadn't expected that to happen, accio or not.

Fuckerbore was just as shocked.

'HARRY I DEMAND YOU GIVE THAT BACK!'

'Well aren't you cranky today. I think you need a nap'.

And with that Harry apparated away with his group, leaving the others standing in stunned silence.

God it was great that he learned how to apparate.

It wasn't until afterwards that Harry realised he didn't use the go boom grenades.

Oh Poo!


	16. Chapter 16

They headed inside the manor and Harry called for Dobby. Both he and Eevee popped in.

'Dobby where did you put our prisoners?'

'Theys be in the dungeon where Harry Potter set up all the toys' the little elf replied. Dobby was quite happy that Lucius was getting his just rewards but he was still annoyed at Harry.

Wincing when Dobby gave him a glare Harry thanked him and turned to Eevee.

'Master Potter Sir. We has a few elves arrived in response to the cards. Theys be asking if Master Potter can help free them'.

'We can help with that Harry' Fred piped up.

'Yeah. We know plenty of ways to get their owners to cough up some clothes' George followed.

Harry nodded and had Eevee show the twins where the guest elves were, promising to speak to them as soon as he could.

'Hey Remus'.

'Yes Harry?'

'You remember that thing you told me that you made me promise to keep a secret?'

Blushing a little the werewolf nodded. He hoped he wasn't going to regret telling his godson about his crush on Severus.

Harry grinned.

'Let me have him for a while then you can take him'.

'Wait… Really!?'

'Yep. He's not a bad guy but he is a pain in the ass to me. Let me have my revenge then I'll happily let him loose. By that point he'll know not to mess with me. He's smart after all, it shouldn't take long' Harry replied.

Remus hesitantly nodded.

'Dare I ask what you have in stall for him and Lucius?'

The teen shrugged.

'Nothing much. Just showing them what a having a pain in the ass feels like'.

Remus knew he would regret asking further so shut up and left the room in search of something to occupy his time.

With a smirk Harry headed to the dungeon. His prisoners were lying bound in a corner. Dobby had been nice enough to knock Lucius out. Severus didn't look happy to have the blonde drooling on his shoulder. In fact he didn't look happy at his situation.

'Now don't give me that look. You've had this coming for a long time' Harry chided.

He went over and checked on the new housing arrangement. Two cubicles stood side by side. These had warming charms, special cleaning charms so everything inside remained clean, and any toilet duties would disappear before they exited the body. The floor was laid with a thick plush carpet and the walls were slightly padded for extra comfort. Each had a blanket and pillow at the back corner and a tray for food and water fountain at the front. At the back wall of each Harry had rigged up a device that hold a lovely sized adult toy. The device would pin the victim to remain on his knees while the toy moved, while a collar and leash kept them inside the cubicle. The toy would move consistently during the day and only stop at night to allow the victim to lie down to sleep. A strong spell pulled the victim into it the next morning. The toy itself was spelled to constantly leak lubricant, be self cleaning, and would hit the nerve bundle dead on with each push.

Quite posh for a prison cell he thought. He'd scheduled the meals to be at nine, one and seven and made sure the fountain would always have fresh clean water. He could even have it spill out other forms of drink.

If they were good of course.

Harry was quite proud of his invention. He figured if Lucius wanted to kneel before a Lord then he might as well do it in style. It wasn't like he had much left in assets since the ministry seized just about everything not nailed down and the goblins took back the substantial dowry for Narcissa. For Severus this was just a way to teach him not to humiliate and bully his students. Harry would give him a while then allow him to plead his case. If he apologised sincerely then he'd be let loose and pushed in Remus' direction.

Harry stripped and sorted out Lucius first, since the man was practically drowning the dungeons in drool. He stepped back to admire his handy work and nodded in satisfaction.

'Ok Snape, your turn'.

The man's eyes had widened when he saw exactly what Harry had in store for him.

'You cannot be serious?!'

'I'm perfectly serious. Don't worry I've made it so it'll just be uncomfortable instead of hurt like a bitch. And that will soon fade away. Did you really think I'd let you get away with all that bullying?' Harry replied.

He stripped and levitated the surprisingly silent man over. Severus hissed as he was strapped in.

'There now. Not all that bad is it? Now I know this is humiliating and I know that's what the Marauders specialised in so I'll just say this. I'll be the only one to check up on you but I'm not here to point and laugh. And neither will anyone else be. So get used to the idea that you'll be here for a while' Harry said.

He made to wake up Lucius when Severus quickly spoke up.

'Can you possibly spell this space to keep him from talking to me? Please'.

Knowing that plea was hard for the potions master to say, Harry nodded and quickly cast the spell.

'He won't know you're here, and you won't hear him. If you get bored tell me and I'll leave some cards or books or something. Call for Dobby in an emergency'.

Severus nodded slightly, biting his lip as the toy repeatedly hit the nerve bundle.

With that Harry woke up Lucius and explained the situation and when meal times would be. He left quickly after as the blonde made it known he was displeased, scooping up the snake head walking cane and Severus' wand as he headed out the door.


	17. Chapter 17

He spent some time with the new elves. Teko, Paka and Hali were their names. The twins had come up with an idea to help free them and Harry quickly agreed. It was less than twenty minutes later when all three elves were back clutching an article of clothing and teary eyed. Harry had the other elves settle the newcomers and decided to settle down with a good movie.

'Um Harry…'

Drat.

'What's up Remus?'

The werewolf was peeking out the window.

'There's a giant baby's basket outside the gate'.

Huh?! Harry came over and looked out the window. What in the world?

'I'll check it out' he said and headed out the door. Hesitantly he approached it, carefully peeking over the edge.

Well there's something you don't see everyday!

A full grown nundu, curled up in a blanket, with a giant bonnet on its head. And a dummy.

This went beyond weird.

Harry noticed a note and picked it up, careful to keep fingers away from the massive critter.

'_To the owner of the animal sanctuary._

_Please take care of my sweet Nu-Nu. I'm afraid I can no longer keep him as he has eaten several of my neighbours. He's a precious little baby boy and ever so obedient so I don't know what's got into him, but the ministry is threatening to put him down. I'm sure he was just playing, and I never really liked the neighbours much._

_Bless you'._

Way, _way_ beyond the land of weird.

'Nu-Nu?!' Harry muttered.

He leapt at least three feet in the air when the massive critter responded with a gurgle. An honest to god gurgle!

Someone needed to find the owner and give them a medal.

'Oook. I guess we have a new family member. But I won't have you going around eating others'.

The nundu actually had the decency to look ashamed.

'Right then… Well I suppose I'd better introduce you to the others. Do you maybe want to come out of that basket?'

He took a step back when Nu-Nu cooed in agreement and hopped out his sleepy place. He gave a few sniffs, spat out the dummy and purred in delight. Mama trained him well, he was a good boy. Those nasty neighbours were making fun of Mama and he put a stop to it. Now Mama had rewarded him by sending him to a large playpen with lots of new friends.

The giant cat like creature meowed in happiness and pranced around the nice smelling little human. Perhaps this could be Papa? Hmm…he looked a little small to be Papa. Brother them.

Yes he decided. This human would be Brother. He was sure he'd find a Papa around here.

Bewildered Harry levitated the basket and led the nundu up to the barn. He passed Remus and gave a wild shrug.

'Don't ask. This is Nu-Nu'.

Remus mouthed the name in bewilderment as the critter followed Harry, bonnet still in place.

Nu-Nu stopped and turned to the werewolf. This human smelled like animal. Mama smelled like animal as well. This must be Papa!

Happily he bounded over and knocked Remus to the ground, licking him in greeting.

Harry wasn't sure whether or not to call Nu-Nu off or laugh himself silly.

'I guess he likes you' he snorted, falling to the ground in kinks when the twins came out to see what the noise was.

Nu-Nu looked over at them. More brothers! Oh he was a happy nundu!

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Over the next few days more elves, animals and half humans arrived. Along with Nu-Nu, they had the story of Creepy the Acromantula. He was bought as a youngling by a spoilt little boy who then didn't look after him and demanded his death when he ate the family butler. Not for the butler's case oh no, the man just happened to be carrying the kid's favourite broom when he was eaten. So poor Creepy found himself dumped outside the manor gates. He was surprisingly ok with the other critters. Sasha (basilisk) and he had a minor falling out but it was agreed they would stay away from each other to solve the problem.

There was also Alure the Kelpie who was sent to the manor after terrorising the local farmers and washing out their crops. She was a little shy but once she opened up she was a bundle of fun. Of course she didn't always remember not to drag people under the water and Harry had to be rescued a few times when she played a little too roughly.

Hopy, Sweety, Suti and Mee-mee the elves were quickly freed and settled in nicely. Harry decided to allow the twins control over freeing the elves as they were doing such a good job. After all, most of the owners were begging the elves to leave after the twins were done.

Only two half humans appeared. Selena was part nymph and was the perfect one to work with the water critters. Which was helpful with Alure. Selena was a stunning woman, and that was the problem. Many men had attempted to have their way with her. Fortunately she was also a fairly strong witch and sent them packing. She happily chose a room in the manor and was most often found swimming with Alure and Ripple (hippocampus).

The other one was Larz the vampire. He was newly turned and bullied constantly by the others, who liked to drain him just for the sake of it. He promised not to bite anyone unless they offered and Harry agreed to let him stay to look after some of the more dangerous critters. In return Harry would provide blood replenishing potions that thankfully worked on vampires. Larz got along smashingly with the twins, to the despair of Remus.

Harry had some more good news when Ragnarok wrote to tell him another horcruxe had been found. A ring from the Gaunt family. The taint was removed and it sent to Harry as soon as the goblins had finished with it. It came with an extra surprise as the group found out the stone on it was the resurrection stone. Holding it Harry was stunned to realise that he actually had all three of the deathly hallows.

To quote the words of Ron Weasley. Bloody hell!

He wondered what the normal people were doing today.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

MEANWHILE IN A SCARY EVIL LORD LAIR…

'WHERE ARE MY FOLLOWERS?! WHAT HAS POTTER DONE?! WHY DOESN'T ANYTHING GO RIGHT?!'

Voldermort scowled at the floor. It was no fun yelling when there was no-one to crucio.


	18. Chapter 18

Harry didn't want to boast. Well ok maybe he did. But this was the greatest invention in the history of mankind.

Even better than sliced bread.

He'd created a device that allows him to talk to his critters.

He may have forgotten that he could have just become an animagus. Oh well.

He tried it out first on Nu-Nu, who was indeed just a big softy. The knowledge that Remus was now Papa had the twins and Harry rolling on the floor in kinks. They attempted to smother the hysterics when Nu-Nu huffily told them that there was nothing wrong with having a werewolf as a Papa. After all his Mama was a weresquirrel.

How that worked Harry didn't really want to know.

The idea became more absurd when on the full moon he spotted Moony and Nu-Nu playing with a large demonic looking squirrel.

Not going to ask.

With most of the items checked off his list Harry found himself with almost two months left of the summer and nothing to do. He did get a kick out of seeing the story in the paper about Kappa Lady.

Apparently you can die from too much laxative.

The poor people who found her had to go to St Mungos to be obliviated, and even after that a few were still traumatised.

So yeah, Harry was bored. The twins were gone most of the day and while Remus was happy to sit and chat he wasn't really into the crazy things Harry did.

Severus and Lucius were seen to each day. Harry was right in that it only took five days for the potions master to see the error of his ways.

Harry received a sincere apology, which he returned since he was as much an ass as Severus was. Severus was then handed his clothes and wand and given a literal push in Remus' direction.

'I'm assuming this means you two will no longer fight?'

Severus nodded. Harry's "treatment" gave him the opportunity to really think about his life. And what he found was not pleasant.

Dumbledore had manipulated him practically from the moment he stepped foot into Hogwarts as a student. The marauders were also manipulated into believing they were above the law. Even if they were still jerks in their own right. Without Dumbledore's manipulations he would never have joined the deatheaters. Of course loosing Lily was still his own fault for mouthing off. But he was placed in that situation by the marauders, and they were pushed to it by Dumbledore.

Severus Snape was not a happy potions master.

'Are you ok? You're too quiet considering we're sitting next to each other' Remus asked.

'I am fine. Pot…Lord Potter has…interesting ways of making one see that they were in the wrong'.

His backside still tingled. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

'Yes. This is apparently his true character coming out. I am somewhat sorry for his victims' Remus replied with a wince.

Severus nodded and shifted in his seat. Being on his knees most of the day, plus all the extras, had taken their toll on him. He was dying for a long hot bath and a meal sitting at a table.

'So what are you planning to do now?' the werewolf then asked.

Severus turned to him. This was another thing he'd realised. Lupin, while he may have sat back and done nothing about his treatment as students, had always been good looking to him.

'Lord Potter has given me a choice. I could go back to the Order, if so he'd obliviate me of everything other than my…treatment. Or I could stay here, listen to his side of the story, and help'.

'And…?' Remus prompted.

Severus shifted again, then sighed and stood up.

'And I would appreciate if you could show me to the bathroom. I really wish to soothe my muscles in a bath'.

Chuckling slightly Remus stood and guided Severus to the closest bathroom. Which happened to be the one in his room, not that he was saying anything.

'There are plenty of towels and things. If there's something specific you want there are a host of elves around. I suppose the best one to call would be Sweety, she has an astounding knowledge of products you could use'.

Wonder if she was Lockhart's elf Severus thought as he thanked the werewolf and headed inside. His eyes widened at the bath. It could hold at least six people.

And he could really use someone to help him wash his back.

'Lupin. Remus are you still there?' he called.

'I just went to leave. Is there something wrong?'

Severus sucked up his courage and opened the door.

'Yes. I am in need of someone to help me bathe. And perhaps I could return the favour?'

Remus blinked and swallowed. Did Harry say something? Severus had already taken off that cloak and Remus' eyes travelled down the lean body. His inner wolf growled and he smirked.

'I should warn you, I'm an alpha'.

Severus swallowed lightly and nodded.

'I figured that. Does that mean you are volunteering?'

Giving a wolfish grin Remus pushed the potions master in and locked the door.

'Perhaps'.

Harry never seen them again until dinner the next day, when he got an affirmed yes in regards to helping Team Potter.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Nothing much happened for the rest of the summer. There were a few more attempts by Fuckerbore to get Harry under control. He attended a meeting with the wizengamot, ruffling a few feathers but gaining the support of Madam Bones and Madam Longbottom. He spent a few days with Neville and a few with Luna.

It was nice to know he still had some true friends at Hogwarts.

The entire group had also taken a couple of week's holiday at Black Island. Harry made sure to pop back to the manor to check on Lucius every day. The man was still screaming obscenities at him, thus wasn't ready to come out of "rehab". Draco was invited to the island, more to appease Narcissa, but rather rudely declined. The blonde was still reeling over the changes, and more than a bit pissed. He especially didn't like how his own mother was siding with Harry. So far he'd been staying with friends, although any attempts at keeping his new name a secret flew out the window as the paper continued to print front page news about all the chaos Harry was creating. The best part of it was that Draco had to be on his best behaviour when at Hogwarts both towards Harry and to the general population of students. The idea that he was better than everyone else was floundering and everyone knew it. However Draco could do nothing to Harry as willingly attempting to harm the head of house held a severe penalty.

Harry was having entirely too much fun with this.

The manor's population was steadily growing, so much so Harry wondered if perhaps he should move to Grimmauld Place with Remus.

Wity, Floosy and Batty the elves joined the others giving a total of sixteen. Four of these worked at Grimmauld.

Flora the little half pixie arrived in a state of fear and covered in bruises. After being healed and calmed down the twelve year old was adopted by Selene. It would take her a while to fully recover as she was set upon by her wizard father after her pixie mother died. Thankfully it had not gotten as far as rape.

Soon after her arrival there came Demetres the centaur. He had befriended some magic folk who lived near his herd's forest, which unfortunately caused his herd to kick him out. He was middle age by their standards but wise and very gentle. He took to the more easy going critters.

Mirage the shadow phoenix just flamed in one day and didn't leave. He struck up a fast friendship with Fawkes.

Alure (kelpie) had been joined in the lake by Torrent the each uisge. He seemed happy to live there and so far hadn't been a bother to anyone so Harry was content with letting him stay.

Massacre the un-dead nightmare horse was handed in his previous owner sadly passed away. He was somewhat temperamental but not in a bad way.

All in all there were now fifty nine beings living in the manor and on the grounds. And that was before any guests like the Weasleys and the Blacks.

Harry felt his animal sanctuary and home for elves was a huge success. He'd dubbed the whole operation, The Haven.


	19. Chapter 19

It was time to go back to Hogwarts.

Quite frankly Harry would rather stay at home.

Sighing he looked over the things he was taking and finished packing. His birthday had been a wild affair. The twins had somehow covered the entire manor with streamers and balloons and flags and banners. Harry figured the elves had helped. Everyone there had given him a little something, and he in turn made sure to note down everyone's birthday so he could do the same. There was enough food there to feed a nation and the cake was an absolutely huge, nine level, covered in chocolate, lip smacking delight. Even Lucius had gotten a bit. A small bit.

The Haven would be seen to by Remus and he'd taken the time with all the beings living at the manor to ensure things ran smoothly while he was at school. He would take some time each evening to pop back and check on Lucius. The man had yet to learn his lesson. Harry supposed he never will.

With his trunk shrunk and attached to his belt he was ready to go. He, Remus and the twins headed to Kings Cross and Harry had to laugh as Fred and George gave him quite a send off. He may have saw Molly in the crowds before the firework were let off. Severus had gone on ahead, with an oath that he would keep their secrets. Harry felt that was less to do with Severus liking him and more to do with the consistent silencing charms that appeared around Remus' room. Nevertheless, the potions master was growing on him.

'We'll come visit you' Fred grinned.

'Not like they can keep us away after all' George continued.

Harry had read over the rules of Hogwarts and to his delight found he was eligible for a couple's suite. And if his partner happened to be out of school he or she would be allowed to visit. Which of course the twins would take full advantage of. As long as Harry gave warning to his head of house first, and as long as he kept up with his school work.

And here the professors thought they'd seen the last of the Weasley twins.

With a last farewell he stepped onto the train and found an empty compartment. Sticking his head out he waved them off as they headed out the barrier. A slightly sad smile on his face Harry sat back down. It was all fair and good wrecking havoc, but it was no fun without his family.

The train set off and he settled down with his new *cough cousins cough* gameboy. He was so close to completing this level.

There were a few visits. Neville and Luna came in to sit and conversations started about what new creatures Luna had found, how Neville's plants were doing, and what by Merlin was Harry playing with. Hermione stopped by briefly to say hello then left to do her prefect duties. Draco also stopped by but he merely glared at the group and stomped off in a huff. Not many people were willing to sit with the blonde. Pansy had all but deserted him, not that he cared he never really wanted her. Crabbe and Goyle stuck around though they did it more for the familiarity than anything else. Plus they were still recovering from their father's deaths. A few more Slytherins sought Harry out. Blaise wished to mention that he had no ties to any deatheaters. Which was true, but he just wanted to ensure the crazy Boy Who Lived knew it. With his piece said he slowly and carefully backed out the doors, hands up in a surrender pose. Nott made an attempt to harass Harry over the death of his father, only to be rebuffed quite firmly. That is to say he was blasted out the doors and landed in a crumpled heap.

Harry had never really liked him, too shifty.

All in all the Slytherins were leaving him be. With all the stories the paper was printing they realised that either he'd cracked or he had got some mega training.

Both of which were true in a way.

In fact the entire student population were pretty much leaving him alone. All except a gaggle of fan girls and one really annoying red headed boy.

'Oy Potter! What's the big idea breaking up our family?!'

'Oh for the love of…!' Harry sighed and turned to the door.

'Correct me if I'm wrong Ronald but weren't _you_ the one who was stealing from me? And weren't _you_ the one who went behind your father's back to do this. Arthur is a very fair man but did you really think he'd let you get away with shaming his family? _You_ deserved what happened to you'.

'You've got plenty of money! Try giving it to people that actually deserve it! And what about Ginny?! You two were together then suddenly you decided to whore yourself off to my brothers and turn them into fags! Were you always a fag or did you just decide to be one to get away from my sister?!'

'You know it's weird, I distinctly remember you yelling at me for kissing Ginny, and now you're yelling at me for not kissing her' Harry mused out loud.

He then shook his head and frowned at the red head.

'And for the record a whore is someone who gets paid to have sex. Your brothers are practically dragging me into it, free of charge. Not that I'm complaining exactly but eventually I'd like to walk without a limp'.

Neville made a face while Luna giggled. Harry gave them a grin.

'And that's another thing Ron. You say I should give it to those who deserve it. You realise that I would happily give all my money away just to have a family like yours. Well when I say that I mean the members of your former family who aren't thieves and traitors. Also Ginny was the one who was pushing herself onto me. I saw her like a sister'.

Ron started ranting and raving. Harry only half listened. He heard the word whore again, as well as traitor and a few other niceties. Eventually he got tired of it all and cut the red head off.

'Look, let me make this easy for you to understand. Shut. Up. And. Go. Away'.

He and the twins had sex in the great hall or in the headmaster's office riding on Ron's next decision.

The red head drew his wand.

Headmaster's office it was.

Harry sighed and threw Ron out of the compartment, locking the door behind him and sitting back down.

'What a pain'.

'Don't mess up the headmaster's desk too much Harry. It didn't do anything to you' Luna said dreamily.

How did she…?! Never mind.

'I make no promises, but I'll try' he replied in amusement. They watched for a while as Ron attempted to get back in, getting more and more frustrated when none of his spells worked on the door. It soon got boring.

'So Harry. I'm assuming this year will be another busy one?' Neville asked.

Harry grinned.

'I'd say so. I've got a few more loose ends to tie up. I've got some more gameboys here, want a shot?'

And thus the rest of the train ride was spent in peace, with the exception of a three way battle on the consoles that Luna was clearly winning.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Ron, Molly, Ginny, Fuckerbore and possibly a few Slytherins.

And of course Moldywart Harry thought to himself. The list of people out to get him was really quite short now. He wondered how old snake face was doing now that he had little to none followers left. Then again he'd probably attempt to recruit from the students. Plus there was the little problem with the werewolves lead by Fenrir. He was a nasty so and so, he really needed to go. Wonder where he got to?

Harry hopped into the carriage after Neville and Luna, and grudgingly allowed Hermione to come in after him. She had the year to get herself out of Harry's bad book. Harry spotted a glaring Ginny as the thestrals set off. She was a cunning one, he'd have to keep an eye on her.

Heir of the founders he pondered as they entered through the gates. Wonder what privileges that would give him?

_**It would give you quite a few, my Lord.**_

What the…?! Now whose voice was he hearing?!

_**I am Lady Hogwarts my Lord. I have been waiting for you to speak with me.**_

Lady Hogwarts?! Wow! So…you wanted to talk to me?

_**I have. I hoped you would uncover your inheritance and reach out to me. I welcome you.**_

Thank you. So what did you wish to talk to me about, my Lady?

_**The magic of those who created me have kept my children protected. But most of the protections have been taken down in recent years. I have tried to relay this to the headmaster but he chooses to ignore me. I have watched with worry as my borders have been breeched many times and still he will not listen. I beg of you to go to the heart of my powers and bring back the protections my children so desperately need.**_

Well that explained a lot. Harry was not a happy wizard.

My Lady I will of course seek out the chamber holding your heart and bring you back to your former glory. Too many times our esteemed headmaster has put the students in danger and I will not allow it to continue.

_**Thank you my Lord. In return I will cut my ties with the headmaster and show you and your love partners my secrets. You are also entitled to reside in the founder's quarters, along with any other you deem worthy. I will take you there after the feast. You are also enabled to apparate within my borders.**_

The twins are going to love this!

_**You must know that there is an item within my walls that has been tainted with a soul piece belonging to Tom Riddle. The Lady Ravenclaw's diadem. It resides in the Room of Requirement. I ask that you remove the taint, and it shall be yours to do with as you wish.**_

Harry's eyes widened. Another horcruxe!

My Lady my team and the goblins have been searching for these soul pieces. I shall contact them as soon as I can so they can remove the taint. We have discovered that Riddle has also used the chalice of Lady Hufflepuff and the locket of Lord Slytherin as anchors for his soul. Their taint has been removed and I planned on presenting them to the heads of house. I shall wait until Lady Ravenclaw's diadem has joined the others and present them together. I thank you for this information, it has helped me greatly.

_**Thank you my Lord. It gives me joy to know the treasures of my founders have been found and are back where they belong.**_

With the diadem sorted it only leaves one or two possible horcruxes left Harry thought. He was still sure that Nagini was one. He suddenly wondered if Fuckerbore knew about the diadem. It was another possible strike on the man. He realised that while they was talking, he'd arrived at the great hall. Pushing the dark thoughts out his head he happily sat with Neville, pulling Luna to sit with them when she made to leave for her own table. He relayed his conversation with Lady Hogwarts to them, and invited them to live with him in the founder's quarters, should they wish to. They both happily accepted. Grinning they watched the sorting and tucked in once the food had appeared. They didn't bother listening to Fuckerbore, only paying enough attention to hear that Severus had been made DADA professor and that one Professor Slughorn was now in charge of potions. Harry placed a small bet with the two on the headmaster calling him up to his office. Neville figured it would happen tomorrow and Luna after dinner. Neville sighed and coughed up two galleons as they noticed Fuckerbore heading in their direction.

'H…Lord Potter. I wish to speak with you in my office'.

Sticking his tongue out at Neville, who mock glared back, Harry stood up and followed Fuckerbore. On the way there Lady Hogwarts was telling him about all the secret passages they were passing and how to bypass the security of the headmaster's office.

That would come in handy with the twins.

Harry grinned and grabbed a seat, turning it backwards and straddling it while he glanced round the room. Most of the thingamabobs were missing, mainly the ones he'd destroyed. The few that were left were clicking and spinning and doing all sorts of things. Lady Hogwarts told him what each did and he frowned.

It would appear that Fuckerbore was still keeping track of him.

Shrugging Harry turned back to the man. The trinkets weren't doing him any harm, most were just a health indicator.

'Now then. We have a lot to talk about. The ministry is not very happy with you. And I'm very disappointed with your behaviour. I will of course be wanting my wand back'.

Harry thought for a moment.

'Nah'.

Albus blinked.

'Excuse me?'

'You've had it long enough. Give someone else a turn' Harry replied cheekily.

Albus bit his cheek to prevent himself yelling at the teen.

'Harry…'

'Lord Potter. Yes?'

'…This is no laughing matter. The wand chooses the wizard after all and it will not work for you'.

Harry shrugged.

'Doesn't bother me. I've already got a wand'.

Not that he needed it. Wandless magic was brilliant!

'Then I would appreciate you giving mine back. You're little joke has gone on far enough' Albus said with a slight hiss.

Harry looked thoughtfully at the man.

'I don't think it likes you. Why else would it come to me?'

He quickly continued before Fuckerbore could speak.

'Hey where's Fawkes?'

Albus started grinding his teeth together. The brat was becoming extremely annoying. He didn't need to be reminded that the phoenix had flown the coop.

'_Lord_ Potter. This is serious. I have something extremely important to talk to you about and I'm growing tired of your games'.

'Does that mean you don't want to play battleship with me? Aww'.

Albus sprung to his feet and stormed into his quarters. He was far too close to blasting the boy and he needed Harry to stay alive until it was time.

Harry grinned at the headmaster's retreating form and turned to the sorting hat.

'Hello Mr Hat. How are you this fine evening?'

'My Lord this has been hands down the funniest day I've had in a long time' the hat replied with a cackling laugh.

Harry sniggered and went over to the shelf.

'I was wondering if I may retrieve Lord Gryffindor's sword from you? I intend on having it displayed in the lion's common room'.

'But of course my Lord. Place me on your head and it will be summoned'.

Harry did as told and felt a slight thud as the sword appeared. He took the hat off and brought the fine blade out.

'Thank you. I am sure Lady Hogwarts and I will come up with a way to prevent the founder's treasures from being taken from their new spots'.

He popped the sword into his trunk and sat back down as Fuckerbore came back out.

Albus had finally taken a calming potion and popped a few potion laced lemon drops into his mouth before feeling ready to come back out. He formulated a plan and sat down. Once he made Harry aware of Voldermort's past and of the soul pieces he was sure the boy would come to his senses and give back the elder wand.

'Now then. Perhaps we should start over. I have a few things I would like you to see. You of course know that Voldermort's real name is Tom Riddle. I have a few memories of his past I would like to bring to your attention'.

Harry wondered if he should tell Fuckerbore he already researched Riddle's past. Nah, lets allow the old man his moment.

'Ok then. How do we view these memories?'

Albus smiled and went over to bring out his pensive. He tipped a few of his memories inside.

'Just place your head in and it will play them out for you. I shall view them as well to help explain'.

Harry shrugged and plunged his head in. Lady Hogwarts had his back encase Fuckerbore tried anything.

Albus held onto the grandfather approach as he explained what was happening. After the memories had finished they came out the pensive and sat back down.

'You see now why I showed you? These horcruxes must be found and destroyed other wise Voldermort will be indestructible. I have an idea where a few are, you and I can hunt them down'.

He fell silent and waited. Waited for Harry to apologise. Waited for him to beg for help with training. Wait for him to hand back the elder wand and agree to hunt for the horcruxes. He waited, and waited. And then waited some more.

'Well my boy…?'

Harry struck a thoughtful pose. He dragged it out for as long as he could. Finally when it seemed like the headmaster was starting to loose his patience, he stood up.

'Well… I've given it a lot of thought…'

Albus nodded, waiting for the plea and apology.

'And I feel something as important as this isn't the best thing for a sixteen year old to go through. So thanks but no thanks, I'll just leave it to the adults'.

He stood up and headed out the door, waiting until he was down the stairs before bursting into laughter. Fuckerbore's face had been priceless! The sorting hat thought so as well Harry could hear it's laughter from here. Snorting he cheerfully headed in the direction Lady Hogwarts gave him to the founder's quarters. She too was laughing.

This was going to be a fun year.


	20. Chapter 20

The first thing he did after leaving the office was find Lady Hogwarts heart chamber. He stood quite in awe of the power radiating from the room. At her request Harry had a look into the wards, and he was not pleased.

There was one for keeping out those with the dark mark, which was deactivated.

There was one for preventing serious attacks, such as rape, which was deactivated.

There was one to prevent those coming in under disguise, which was deactivated.

There was one to prevent dangerous creatures form coming in, which was deactivated.

Basically everything that had happened in his years at school happened because Fuckerbore had screwed with the wards.

With Lady Hogwarts help he reactivated all of them, asking her to make an exception with Severus. He also took the time to "air out" the magic in the school. There was a lot of negative magic concerning students reactions to each other, which helped the degrading comments the houses gave to each other. It would take some time for the students to become more accepting of each other, but his changes would go a long way. Harry had it all cleaned and fixed and he could feel the change. It seemed to flow through the building and wash over him like a fresh breath of air.

Happy with his work Harry politely asked Lady Hogwarts to show him to the founder's quarters.

She happily did so and led him to a portrait on the seventh floor of a magnificent phoenix in mid flight. He decided on the phrase Equality to All as a password and when he got in he immediately wrote a letter to Ragnarok regarding the diadem. Just as he finished Hedwig swooped in to take it from him.

'Can you take this to Ragnarok? Thanks girl. You are the best!'

Fluffing her feathers in pride she nibbled his ear and took off.

With that done Harry consulted Lady Hogwarts about the floo, and was pleased to find he could access it without Fuckerbore knowing. He quickly sent word to the twins and had them come over. They grinned when he told them they'd be having some fun in the headmaster's office, then pouted when Harry told them to wait until night. Together they investigated the rooms. Each founder had their own bedroom and en suite, done up in their typical colours. There were also several guest rooms. Harry decided to choose Salazar's room and figured Luna and Neville would take Rowena and Godric's rooms. The bedrooms were linked by a large comfortable common room, which also led to a huge library, a huge greenhouse, a huge training room and a huge potion lab. Basically the founders liked their personal spaces to be huge.

He received a reply from Ragnarok soon after saying that a squad of goblins would be coming to Hogwarts to recover the diadem so they could remove the taint. They would arrive tomorrow morning.

With that seen to Harry begged off the twins affections for a while and ran out to find Neville and Luna. Both were eventually found and shown the quarters. Harry asked the elves to bring their things from the common rooms so the two could settle in.

Finally he allowed the twins to drag him to the gargoyles. Lady Hogwarts told them Fuckerbore had retired for the night and his bedroom door was sealed. The gargoyles glanced at Harry, bowed and let him inside.

Eventually Harry was able to collapse into bed. At two in the morning. The twins had no intentions on leaving him so they were settled on either side.

The sorting hat found it all very amusing.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

The next morning with the twins away the three remaining occupants headed down for breakfast. Harry was still half asleep when Ron decided to have another go.

'Oy Looney, this isn't your table!'

'Are you the owner of the school Ronald? Cause that's the only you're getting the Lady Lovegood to move' Harry replied tiredly.

'Shut it Potter I wasn't talking to you!'

'Well who were you talking to Ronald? I don't see anyone here called Looney. Are you talking to an invisible person? Are they hiding under the table?' Luna asked.

Ron grew red as a few people sniggered.

'I'm talking to you Looney! Why don't you go back to the bookworm table?!'

'Ronald Weasley!'

Harry glanced up as Hermione stormed over.

Ron smirked.

'See, Hermione's with me. Now buzz off and let the Gryffindors eat in peace'.

Harry raised an eyebrow. This was going to get interesting.

'Ronald I am certainly _not_ with you! Not only are you insulting Luna but you're insulting the entire Ravenclaw table!'

'Aww come on Mione they're just Ravenclaws. They're just as bad as the snakes' Ron whined.

He made an attempt to put his arm round her and was firmly pushed away.

'There is nothing wrong with the Ravenclaws! Just like there is nothing wrong with the Hufflepuffs, the Gryffindors _or_ the Slytherins! There is no dark of light there is only intent! Or have you forgotten that Pettigrew was in Gryffindor?! Your narrow mindedness has already got you into trouble and now you're doing it again!'

'So what you're on Potter's side now?! He might as well be a snake he's already corrupt my family!' Ron yelled.

Wow Ron, corrupt, I'm impressed Harry thought.

'When did this become about Har…Lord Potter Black?!' Hermione argued.

'OH SO ITS LORD POTTER BLACK NOW IS IT?! SO WHAT, IS HE FUCKING YOU TOO?! BET YOU'RE HIS LITTLE WHORE NOW HUH?! HE'S NOT GOT ENOUGH WITH TURNING MY BROTHERS INTO FAGS NOW HE'S TURNED YOU AGAINST ME?!'

Harry's eyes narrowed. Hermione may be on probation but she didn't deserve that. His anger grew when he realised Fuckerbore was just sitting there doing nothing. The four heads of house were coming over though. As Ron continued to scream and rant he'd had enough. He stood, drawing a tearful Hermione behind him, and got right into Ron's face.

'Perhaps you're too stupid to understand what's happened so I'll make it clear to you. I am a Lord of seven Noble and Ancient houses. Four of these are the founders themselves, which means that anything _you_ do in _my_ home will be punishable by _me. _You, your mother and sister broke your family apart, _not_ me. You are going on like you're better than everyone else and that the world owes you a favour. It doesn't Ronald, it never will. I have had enough of your so called supreme attitude. You will not talk to Hermione, you will not touch Hermione, you will not lift your wand to Hermione. And if you break any of these rules I will have you thrown out so fast you'll have skid marks on you arse. And just to make things perfectly clear, I am not playing favourites. You will keep your hands to yourself. You will keep your mouth closed and you will keep your wand in your pocket when it comes to any of my friends and anyone who _you_ think are beneath you. Which for the record there are none'.

'When Dumbledore…!' Ron huffed only to be cut off.

'Fuckerbore has no authority here. He may be headmaster but he has consistently put the students of the school in danger, and Hogwarts isn't happy' Harry hissed.

He could hear some of the Gryffindor girls comforting Hermione. Probation or not he was not about to let her become a victim to any misdeeds.

'Now take your attitude, sit down and leave us alone'.

He turned to professor McGonagall as the red head fumed.

'My apologies for my outburst. Hermione and I have had a falling out but I will not allow this _person_ to degrade her, or anyone else, like that'.

'He's trying to say that he owns this school! And he's threatening to throw me out. And he insulted Dumbledore! And Hermione was supposed to be o my side! _She_ betrayed him as well!' Ron yelled in protest.

Hermione wiped her eyes and stood up. She realised it would take her a long time, if ever, to gain Harry's trust back. But she felt it right to stand by him when he helped her.

'Professor, I did betray Lord Potter Black. But I was stupid and foolish and I never should have done it. I'm on probation, and I hope that one day I can earn Lord Potter Black's trust back. Ronald though has yet to see that he's wronged his former friend by stealing from him'.

She turned to Harry and curtseyed.

'My Lord, I thank you for defending me when you really had no cause to. And I am sorry that we dragged you into our argument. I had merely wished to defend Luna, not start a fight'.

'You are welcome and apology accepted. And please, I'd rather you call me Harry. You are still on probation but this Lord business is more for important matters. And I don't consider this piece of filth important' Harry replied and gave her a small smile.

She smiled back, nodded to Neville and Luna and left the great hall. Full forgiveness was a long way a way, but she knew her actions today had moved her a little closer.

Harry watched her leave, then turned back to Ron and frowned.

'What Ronald has said about he is true. I discovered early in the summer that I am indeed the heir of the four founders. Which means I have the authority to throw him out if he causes any more upset'.

Albus had come over when Ron had started arguing with professor McGonagall. The brat had gone too far in his arrogance.

'I'm afraid as Headmaster that I hold the final say to any expulsions that occur. I also notice that you, Miss Lovegood and Mr Longbottom were not in your dorms last night. You may be a Lord but that does not exempt you from the rules of this school. I'm afraid I must give the three of you detention for being out after curfew'.

Ron grinned smugly. That'll show Potter for acting all high and mighty. His grin dropped at Harry's reply.

'Headmaster I think you will find that all three of us were in fact in our beds last night. I have invited the Lady Lovegood and Master Longbottom to stay with me in the founder's quarters. I may also invite a few more students, depending on whether or not I can trust them. At present I believe Hermione would benefit from having a room there, if anything to keep her away from people like Ronald'.

Albus' eyes widened. He'd been looking for the founder's rooms for years.

'Ha…Lord Potter Black I wish to see these rooms. As headmaster I am to be allowed in. They are likely to have artefacts that would greatly benefit the school'.

More like benefit your pockets Harry thought, and smirked.

'I'm afraid as heir to the founders only I am the one that chooses who enters the founder's quarters. And as for artefacts, as heir to the founders they rightfully belong to me, and only I decide what to do with them'.

He turned as Fuckerbore's reply was interrupted by the arrival of a group of goblins.

'Right on time. Headmaster you have been keeping far too many secrets. I am about to uncover one of them. I would appreciate it if the heads of house could come with me, this will be an enlightening experience for you'.

'Harry I insist on coming with you! And you have no authority to prevent me from entering a room in this castle!' Albus demanded.

'Headmaster do you recall what I said about letting the adults handle things. Well I believe you should do just that and let us grown ups see to this' Harry replied with a grin, and left Fuckerbore standing there while he and the heads followed the goblins to the room of requirement. Lady Hogwarts happily ensured the headmaster and anyone else would not follow them.


	21. Chapter 21

The group stared in awe at the huge room Harry had made appear. Harry paid no mind and started rooting round the piles of forgotten and unwanted things. He saw quite a few things he liked and discreetly stowed them away in his trunk.

'Over here I've found it!'

The goblins rushed to his call and carefully they began to cancel the charms. Once done the head brought out a box and placed the diadem inside. It shone for a brief moment and that was all professor Flitwick needed.

'Is that what I think it is?!'

Harry grinned.

'Yep. The lost diadem of Lady Ravenclaw. I wanted to have the dark magic on it cleaned before letting you see it but I figured after my outburst that it was best you all saw it now. Lady Hogwarts told me it was here'.

'So that means…?!' professor McGonagall breathed.

'You really are the heir of the founders?! Only an heir or the headmaster would be able to speak to the castle!' professor Sprout finished.

Harry thanked the goblins and asked Lady Hogwarts to ensure they left safely.

'It took me by surprise as well professor. So did speaking to Lady Hogwarts. Although she's not really happy with Dumbledore at the moment. He's not been a very good headmaster' he replied.

He turned to Flitwick and bowed.

Professor, once the Lady Ravenclaw's diadem has been cleaned of its taint I wish to present it to you to display in the Ravenclaw common room'.

The little professor nearly fainted in happiness.

'That…that would be wonderful Lord Potter Black!'

Harry smiled at him then bowed to the other heads.

'I also have in my possession the sword of Gryffindor, the chalice of Hufflepuff and the locket of Slytherin. I would appreciate if you could all keep this quite until the diadem is cleaned and then I will present all four of them to you to display in their respective common rooms'.

The ladies had been rendered speechless. Severus already knew most of this, though was surprised at Harry finding the diadem and speaking to the school building.

'Well now, I've stunned enough people today. Good thing it's a weekend. Now I've likely got a pair of red head twins to see to and will most likely not be seen until dinner. So I shall bid you all a good morning' Harry said.

As he walked out the Room of Requirement he could clearly hear professor McGonagall whine at knowing Fred and George were back in Hogwarts.

His amusement was once again interrupted by a red head moron.

'So where the hell were you off to then?! Gone to cosy up to the teachers?'

Harry groaned and went to the nearest wall, proceeding to thump his head off it.

'Why *thump!* am I surrounded *thump!* with morons *thump!* do the fates *thump!* hate me *thump!* what have I *thump* ever done to them?!'

Feeling concussed enough to handle the idiot he turned back.

'You never learn do you?' he sighed.

Ron was confused enough by his thumping his head off a wall. The jibe against his intelligence finally connected and he started to turn red.

'LIKE YOU'RE ONE TO TALK YOU BLOODY GIT! IF I HAVEN'T LEARNED ANYTHING IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU ALWAYS DRAGGING ME AWAY FOR ONE OF YOUR BLOODY ADVENTURES! I'VE NEARLY BEEN KILLED BECAUSE OF YOU, THAT MORE THAN ENOUGH OF AN EXCUSE FOR FALLING BEHIND! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A HALF-BLOOD ORPHAN! OH EVERYONE SHOULD FEEL SORRY FOR HARRY BLOODY POTTER CAUSE HE'S GOT NO PARENTS! YOU MIGHT AS WELL BUY NEW PARENTS WITH ALL THAT MONEY THAT YOU'RE KEEPING AWAY FROM PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO DESERVE IT FOR PUTTING UP WITH YOU!'

Well if that wasn't the straw that broke the thestral's back.

'All righty then clearly my words aren't getting to you so I'll do something that does. Lady Hogwarts. This student has been rude, lazy and extremely arrogant within your walls. He is a thief and a backstabber and I feel it's time he knows how I felt growing up. I hereby decree that Ronald Prewett is to become a house elf for the Gryffindor boy's dorms. To ensure he does it right he will be governed by those elves that work here. He will also wear this…'

Harry conjured up a rather odd looking hat. He had thought about the best way to humiliate Ron and came up with a rather fitting idea. On top of the green and silver wizard style hat was a stuffed skunk, backside facing forward, tail up. It was charms to spew out noxious gas if Ron mouthed off. Hanging from the tail was a stuffed Scabbers lookalike which was charmed to squeak if Ron didn't do as he was told. Both these charms were keyed to only Ron. Harry wasn't punishing the other boys for the red head's stupidity. To finish it off the Skunk was lying on a bed of fake cockroaches which would squirm and wriggle around. He thought about making them spiders but then Ron would never get anything done. It may be overdone but the red head needed things to be overdone to understand them. Giving the hat a quick once over Harry nodded and slapped it onto Ron's head.

'Not bad. Anyway, this will be worn at all times while in the common room. Should his mouthing off continue it will extend to the weekends, then meal times during the week, and finally any time Ronald isn't in class'.

Not much point having the teachers laugh their asses off and not teach.

'Does this agree with you Lady Hogwarts?'

A loud dong sounded as she accepted these rules. Immediately two elves appeared and popped away with the fuming red head.

Chuckling Harry went on his way, then groaned as he was interrupted _again_ by Fuckerbore.

'Harry I am the one in charge of discipline and I hereby decree that the cruel punishment you placed on Ronald is lifted'.

They both waited for Lady Hogwarts to respond. She didn't.

'Looks like the Lady Hogwarts doesn't agree with you'.

Albus was furious. How _dare_ this brat of a boy come in and attempt to take over.

'Well then I'm afraid this is something I will have to take up with the minister'.

Perhaps a dose of dementor will shake the boy up enough to come back under his control. All he had to do was give enough hints that he was becoming a dark lord to Fudge'.

'You do that Sir. It's good to know the adults are starting to handle things, instead of leaving it to us kids' Harry replied mockingly and walked away, quickly ducking into a hidden passage to ensure no one else tried to stop him. Lady Hogwarts told him of Fuckerbore's plans and he scoffed, asking her to allow the man to contact the minister. If he could hold off a hundred dementors then he could certainly hold off the pitiful few that were still under ministry control.

It would appear dinner was going to be even more fun than breakfast.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

He had a quickie with the twins before they flooed back to work, he then spent the rest of the afternoon with Neville, Luna and Hermione. He'd caught up to her and explained that while she still wasn't off the hook, she'd be safer bunking with them. She gratefully took the offer and her things were moved into a spare room. She felt Helga's room was too personal for her to take. It scored her a couple more points with Harry. They all had a pleasant lunch while Harry explained Ron's punishment. Hermione and Luna left afterwards for the library, most likely to find a quiet corner to laugh themselves silly. Neville was not so reserved and did so immediately after Harry told him. He wasn't one for torture, but even he could see the red head had gone too far.

When dinner time rolled round the group all met up and headed to the great hall. Harry had warned them there may be fireworks and to have their wands on hand. He had only sat down for five minutes when the doors burst open and Fudge came in with a squad of Aurors. Harry did a quick scan of the grounds and found that there were indeed a few dementors with them. He grinned and watched as Fuckerbore stood to greet them.

'Minister Fudge. I trust your journey was pleasant?'

Oh yeah, Moldywart's on the loose and he's asking if he had a _pleasant_ journey. Idiot.

'Uh yes yes… I am here to arrest Harry Potter for the crime of becoming a dark lord' Fudgy replied, standing all high and mighty.

Clearly he's forgotten just how crazy Harry was.

The entire hall went quiet at this. Ron gave a smug smirk. So did Draco.

Albus put on a sombre expression.

'Yes. I'm afraid the boy's starting to go into the dark side'.

Weird? Harry was sure he just heard Darth Vader's heavy breathing.

'However arresting him may be a bit extreme minister. I'm sure the boy just needs a stern talking to about his rebellious behaviour'.

_The boy_ was right here!

'I'm afraid the boy's done more than enough to warrant his arrest' Fudge replied with a sneer.

Yep. Definitely forgotten about crazy Harry.

Fudge glanced around until he caught sight of his target.

'Aurors arrest that boy!'

Harry rolled his eyes, a strong wandless shield up before the Aurors had begun to move.

'Perhaps you could give me a list of offences I've apparently done?'

Albus decided to take this one.

'I have seen you kill with my own eyes. It was you who killed professor Quirrell. You who attacked a teacher in your second year. And attacked professor Snape in third year…'

Harry had already apologised for blasting Severus away. The man gruffly accepted, since he was now sleeping with one of the marauders.

'We have yet to see proof that it was not you responsible for killing the Diggory boy in the tournament. And you attacked and seriously injured several upstanding members of the public last year. Then this summer you killed most of them! And we have reason to believe you are responsible for the disappearance of Lord Malfoy' Fudge piped up.

'Not to mention the other crimes you have committed. Like the crime upon young Mr Prewett' Albus continued.

Harry scrunched his face in confusion.

'Prewett? Never heard the name before in my life'.

'That's me you git! You can't even remember breaking my family apart?!' Ron yelled.

'Oh right…Prewett! Now I remember!' Harry exclaimed.

He then put on a bored face.

'Well now all that's very interesting, but we've got a bit of a problem. First off professor Quirrell was being possessed by Voldermort and it was Voldermort who killed the man. Professor, if he could even be called that, Lockhart was an idiot and a fraud who attacked us first. I have apologised to professor Snape for that attack, however he merely wished to have my godfather thrown back in Azkaban and wasn't prepared to listen to reason. If you wish proof for Cedric's death then I have the memories. As for upstanding members of the public, what a load of bullshit! Most of these men were nothing more than sheep to Voldermort. As for Malfoy, it would appear that he finally got the message and left the country. And then of course there's Ronald, who has from the moment we stepped foot onto the train been harassing me when he was the one stealing from my vaults. I have told him several times to back off and he insists on not listening. So I found a way of making sure he realised that he's pissed me off. Quite frankly there are plenty of others who have done much worse than I have and are parading around like the world owes them'.

Fudge had had enough. The Aurors hadn't been able to get to the boy because of some shied of sorts. It was time to call in the help.

'POTTER I SHALL SEE YOU KISSED FOR YOUR CRIMES! DEMENTORS!'

The air started to get chilly as the creatures answered the call. Some students began to panic and flee as far away from the doors as possible, making the teacher's table very crowded. The ones Harry taught had drawn their wands. Harry quickly had Lady Hogwarts place a shield over the student body. She wasn't all that happy to allow these creatures in but he's asked so nicely. He planned on showing Fudge just who he was dealing with.

The six remaining dementors closed in on him. He smirked.

'EXPECTO PATRONUM!'

Prongs had a grand old time scaring away the buggers. Prancing around it tossed them around and gave a couple a good kicking. The dementors knew they were beat. All but one fled the scene, the remaining one backed into a corner.

With Prongs at the ready Harry approached the last one.

What happened next would go down in history.

'Hey buddy, want a hug?'

'...'

'Aww come on gimme a hug. You know you wanna'.

'….'

'I'll be your best friend'.

His joke backfired when he suddenly had an armful of sobbing, he thought it was sobbing, dementor. Prongs jerked towards him, before realising Harry wasn't in danger and faded away. The dementor was letting out wails and other such noises that Harry couldn't understand, but he was pretty sure the dementor was talking. And he'd be right. If he were able to understand dementor speech, he'd hear:

'You called me buddy! *sniff* No one's ever *sniff* called me buddy before! *sniff* No one's ever even *sniff* hugged me before! I just want a *sniff* friend! Everyone runs away *sniff* from me! I'll be your best buddy for ever and ever! *sniff* I won't steal your soul or *sniff* make it all cold! I'll be good *sniff* I promise!'

The entire school population stood in astonishment as Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, stood soothing a wailing creature of darkness.

It would appear that Potter manor would be having another house mate.

Fudge and the Aurors began to back away slowly until they reached the corridor, where they proceeded to run all the way to the gates and apparate to the ministry.

Arrest Harry Potter, not bloody likely!


	22. Chapter 22

Eventually Harry was able to calm the creature, he really needed to come up with a name, down and have him float around the forbidden forest until it was time to head home. Which worked quite well for him as he now had a bodyguard of sorts and thus could explore the forest in peace.

Of course this unusual scale of events did not sit well with the headmaster.

Albus didn't know how this had happened, but the boy had become Mr Popular once more. Everyone wanted to know how he tamed a dementor. The only thought through Albus' head was that this proved the boy was turning dark. He had but a few cards left to play and he'd rather one of them wasn't played at all. The prophecy did not need to go public, even if it would bring people round to his side.

Wasn't even real anyway.

Albus clasped his fingers together as he thought. He didn't get very far.

'Albus Dumbledore! How dare you try to have Lord Potter Black arrested!'

He inwardly groaned, the cat was well and truly out the bag.

'Minerva I have seen the boy do great things. But I have also seen the road he's been going down. This power has got to his head and he needs to be brought back under my guidance'.

'So you sic the ministry on him, I'm assuming you wanted to scare the boy enough to come to you for help' McGonagall replied sternly.

And that's how Albus was hounded up to his office for the remainder of the day.

Ginny sat back and growled. The bloody Boy Who Lived had done two impossible things that day. Her strong love potion in his drink hadn't affected him in the slightest. How was she supposed to get him away from the twins and drooling over her if she couldn't use potions?! Of course the red head had forgotten about Lady Hogwarts who'd had an elf replace the drink with a fresh one when Ginny turned her head for a brief moment.

She then of course had mentioned it to Harry, as well as scolding him for allowing dementors in. He sincerely apologised and promised that it would never happen again. The only dark creature allowed inside would be Remus.

He then sat back down to enjoy a hearty meal.

'Are you quite through now?' Neville laughed.

Harry shrugged and grinned back.

'Who knows mate. Who knows'.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Alright it's time to be serious. Ginevra's still at it. Ronald's one more mouthing off away from being expelled. Fuckerbore and Moldywart needs to be seen to. So does Nagini. I can't believe I forgot about that ruddy wolf Fenrir! I've got to get him he's likely helping out Moldywart. I need to think of something to do with Lucius. He's become bloody boring, I never thought he was stupid enough to keep at it this long. Draco can't do anything or the Black family bond will come into play. And I still can't think of a name for the dementor. Might as well call him Bob and be done with it. Wait…Bob, Bob Marley, Christmas carol. Bob Marley! No wait he was a bad guy who robbed from. Damn, I rather liked the name. Bob Marley, Bob…Marty. Oh hey Marty! I like it, I'll run it by him, I hope it's a him. What if it's not a him?!

'Hello…earth to Harry'.

Harry blinked and turned to the group.

'Uh sorry. Did I miss anything?'

'Did the nargles get you Harry?' Luna asked.

'Huh? Oh no I was just thinking about the remaining loose ends. Hey what do you guys think about the name Marty for the dementor?'

Luna pondered it while Hermione and Neville just looked at him.

'I like it. Marty the dementor. It suits him' the blonde then said.

Harry grinned at the other's faces.

'Marty it is. Well I'll have to ask him if it's ok'.

'So what loose ends do you have?' Hermione asked hesitantly.

Harry glanced at her, then figured what they hey.

'There's Moldywart…'

'….'

'Oh sorry, that's the name I came up with for Voldermort. Good isn't it? I've got to get Fuckerbore…'

'Har…!'

'Don't give me that it's a perfect nickname for Dumbledore! Anyway I've got to get him to get off my back. He's the only teacher that's still at it with me. Ronald and apparently Ginevra's still on the prowl as well, I really want them to back off. Ronald's one more step away from getting thrown out the school and since love potions are illegal Ginevra will be right behind him'.

'Love potions?!'

'Yep she's been trying since the second day here. Lady Hogwarts warns me. I've got a little project back home that at first was fun but now I have no idea what to do with it, I need to figure that out. Over the summer we got rid of a lot of deatheaters but I totally forgot about the werewolf clan. All of those who have joined Moldywarts should be put down'.

'Wait how do you…'

'Hermione I did my research into Moldywart's forces. See I can be smart when I want to. At the moment I can't see Moldywart himself trying to recruit, he seems like the one who'd make others do it for him. Well the only others he has are the werewolves, his snake and a host of dementors and none of them would help recruit humans'.

'How do you know all this?'

'Oh I know all this because Mirage has been helping me spy by travelling to Moldywart's "secret lair" and then relaying everything back

'Who's Mirage?'

'Oh he's a shadow phoenix'.

'…!'

'Yep it's pretty cool huh? He just appeared one day and never left. I still need to present the founder's treasures to the heads of house. I got the diadem back so I can do that today. I guess that's all. Fudge isn't really my problem but he could stand to be replaced'.

'That's _loose ends_?!' Hermione asked in shock.

'Well compared to everything else we've done, yeah' Harry replied with a shrug.

She shook her head in bemusement. Typical Harry.

She then started chewing her lip.

'Well… When you say you want certain people to back off. I could help'.

Harry watched her thoughtfully.

'You realise that Fuckerbore has to go? I don't mean step down from his positions and retire, I mean go. Heaven or Hell, wherever will take him' he asked.

She cringed slightly and he sighed.

'I'd appreciate your help with the Prewett family. They may be prats but I have no intention of killing them. And perhaps with Moldywart'.

Sighing in relief she agreed. Her authority figure worship was still in play and she couldn't be a part of a plan to kill Albus Dumbledore himself.

'Don't forget about us' Neville piped up.

Luna went over and kissed Harry on the cheek.

'We'll always be there to help you'.

'What's this now?'

'Should we be jealous?'

Harry laughed and turned to the fire.

'Fred and George, you two have impeccable timing. Get in here before I have Luna kiss me again!'

The twin heads vanished and a moment later the two flooed in.

'I believe that was a threat Gred'.

'Indeed so dear Forge. I think our Harrykins needs to be punished'.

With a yelp Harry sprung up and backed off.

'You two do realise Luna's with Neville right? Besides, we've got some planning to do'.

The twins glanced at each other, then grinned.

'Punishment now…'

'Planning later'.

And with that they chased their younger lover up the stairs.

The girls giggled at the antics while Neville went to the fire.

'I have a feeling this planning will need Remus. We might as well call him through'.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Twenty minutes later, a record for the twins, and everyone had regrouped. They went over the plan, putting forth ideas and rejecting others. Finally they had come up with something that would work. Hermione quickly scuttled off to draft a letter to Moldywart while Harry worked out how many portkeys they would need with Remus. Neville, Luna and the twins were putting together a rough idea for the Prewett family. Hermione came back with the letter and Harry changed a couple of things before they agreed on the contents. Hermione did want a little less swearing but even she could admit it would get a rise out of Moldywart.

Time to tie up the loose ends once and for all.


	23. Chapter 23

The next morning, a piece of parchment appeared on Voldermort's desk. Eyes narrowed he cautiously checked it for spells, before lifting it to read.

_I challenge the great Lord Voldermort! If you can't guess, your shit title was said with ridicule. So Tommy boy, how does it feel to have nothing? Oh I know you've got your dementors, and your wolves and your little snake but they are shit followers. Nevertheless, you and I will battle with our armies at Azkaban. I'm already there. Think you can get yourself up from your ugly sleep to join me?_

That fool he's signed his own death warrant! Choosing Azkaban will be his worst mistake!

'FENRIR!'

The alpha werewolf hurried into the throne room.

'My Lord?'

'Gather your clan! We go to Azkaban!'

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

The founder's treasures were presented at the beginning of dinner. Harry had placed each on a velvet pillow matching the house colours and one by one bowed to each head of house and said his little speech. All of them, Severus included gracefully accepted the gifts, promising that they would be given pride of place in the common rooms. They then bowed or curtseyed back to Harry and McGonagall conjured a table for the treasures, which sat in front of the teacher's table for the remainder of dinner.

Albus sat speechless, unable to come up with anyway to twist the events to his favour. He had no idea where Harry had found the treasures, besides the sword but that had been locked in his office.

With that out the way Harry turned to more pressing things. He called for Mirage and politely asked the phoenix to deliver the letter to Moldywart. Then he made a quick stop to the manor before heading to Azkaban.

He'd given up on Lucius. The man still screamed hoarsely at him each time he came to visit. Lubricant or not the man's ass must be raw. Harry hit the man with several obliviates which left him a drooling mess. False memories were then given to him before Harry dismantled the device, dressed him and slapped a portkey on his hand.

Adal Schäfer lived a long and happy life in Germany, eventually dying at a hundred and thirty years old when he accidentally pissed off a mountain ram.

Just about the entire population of Potter manor were already on their way to the prison. Spook (demiguise), Sapphire (jobberknoll), Killer (pigmy puff), Ripple (hippocampus), Zecora (zebra/pegasus cross), Onyx (jewelled tortoise), Goldie (golden snidget), Hope (black unicorn) and the fairy sisters Teena, Tianna and Tasha were peaceful creatures who remained behind. As did Selena the half nymph and Flora the half pixie, and Sweety, Eevee and Suti the elves. The rest of the elves were clutching just about anything sharp they could get their hands on.

Harry had asked for each prisoner to be checked to make sure none were innocent. Thankfully none were. A few of them were in for petty crimes and thus moved to the lover level which was sealed to keep them out of harms way. The rest were let out of their cells and allowed to wonder the building. Harry's critters were let loose and asked not to kill anyone until the signal was given. Until then they amused themselves by scaring the hell out of those already inside.

Harry, Remus and the twins waited outside. The apparition wards were down but only on the outside of the building. The prisoners wouldn't be getting away that easily.

Prior to all this Harry had approached Fuckerbore and made it clear that if the old goat wanted him in prison he'd just have to take him there himself.

Albus thought this was a smashing idea.

Which was now why he was currently wondering around Azkaban, unarmed, trying to avoid Harry's critters.

Harry twirled the elder wand around his fingers and smirked. Shouldn't be long now.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Voldermort arrived on the island with Nagini and the werewolves. He'd tried a last ditch call out for more followers, only to be told in no certain terms that he was a crap leader and they'd be idiots to go with him. Taken back and very much pissed he appeared fully ready to deal with whatever Potter threw at him.

'ACCIO RIDDLE'S WAND!'

He didn't expect that.

'POTTER!'

'Catch me if you can Moldywart!' Harry yelled and bolted into the building. The twins followed after making a series of rude gestures while Remus just shook his head and headed inside.

This wasn't what Voldermort wanted. Where was the panic? The screams? Then he realised Harry's "army" must consist of four people and smirked.

'FOLLOW THEM! I WANT THEM GUTTED! POTTER IS MINE!'

It looked better when he had his wand but he'd get it back.

Fenrir sneered and let out a howl before charging inside. His clan followed, eager to catch and tear apart those who defied them.

Voldermort followed after them.

Harry and the others watched from atop the tower. Idiots hadn't even realised the dementors were nowhere to be seen. Marty, who rather liked his name, had assisted Harry in getting rid of them.

'So then my good chap…' Fred started.

'Shall we sound the horn?' George finished.

Harry pondered for a moment, then nodded.

'Yes gentlemen, I believe we shall'.

With that all four thrust their wands in the air and the sound of fireworks reverted round the prison. Harry brought up the wards to trap the prey inside.

The critters licked their lips and moved in for the kill.


	24. Chapter 24

Now how did Albus get himself into this situation?

He ducked into a cell to avoid the each uisge, pressing himself against the wall as the water horse paused and sniffed the air. Torrent snorted and ran off. Albus breathed a sigh of relief.

'Get out of my hiding place!'

The man spun and went in defence mode.

'Tom?! What are you doing here?!'

'My name is Lord Voldermort!' Voldermort hissed.

They froze when something large and hairy scuttled past.

'I am here because that brat challenged me! How was I supposed to know he'd have these…these…_things_ here?!'

He then looked shrewdly towards Albus.

'What are _you_ doing here?'

'That is none of your business' Albus replied snootily.

Voldermort narrowed his eyes. Then he smirked.

'The brat tricked you as well'.

Albus scowled.

'Can't you just blast us out?' he asked, not bothering to answer.

'He took my wand! Can't you?!' Voldermort scowled back.

Albus gave him a look and waved his empty hands around.

'You think if I had it I would have done that already?!'

They tensed when there was a scream from somewhere in the building.

'Surely you didn't come here alone?! Where are your followers?'

Another scream rang.

'That was probably one of them. All I had left was the dementors and the werewolves. Nagini disappeared about an hour ago' Voldermort answered.

EARLIER ON.

'Welcome to the team' Harry hissed.

'Thank you' Nagini hissed back.

'Are you sure she's…safe?' Remus asked.

'Oh not to worry. If we take out the horcruxe in her she agreed to join us. She's fed up with Moldywart being all high and mighty' Harry replied.

Nagini hissed out a laugh at the name.

BACK TO THE PRESENT.

'I haven't seen any dementors. Except one, but it appears to be on Potter's side' Albus mused.

Voldermort frowned, then remembered the boy was able to repel the creatures.

How he got one on his side was anyone's guess.

'So… It's just us?'

'It, would appear so' Albus replied.

They took a moment to consider that.

More screams echoed round the prison. There was a creepy crunching noise nearby.

'We need to move from here, it's not safe' Albus said.

'_Nowhere_ is safe' Voldermort hissed, but reluctantly moved closer to the cell door.

They peeked out, the coast seemed to be clear.

'Here's the plan. We keep to the shadows and make our way…'

'Why are you the one to come up with the plan?!' Voldermort complained.

Albus sighed.

'Because I'm the oldest. Now come on we need to…'

'Just because you're the oldest doesn't mean I'm going to listen to you!' Voldermort huffed.

'Will you just shut up and follow me!' Albus hissed.

He crept cautiously out and inched down the corridor. Voldermort crossed his arms and pouted, but eventually followed. All around them were strange creepy growls and grunts. They passed by a couple of bones, preferring not to know where they came from.

Another scream rang from the level above, followed by running footsteps then cracking sounds.

Voldermort winced. This was spookier than even he could come up with. Where the heck did Potter get these ideas?!

REWIND BACK TO THE SUMMER

'These horror movies are brilliant!' Harry laughed, munching on popcorn.

Remus nodded mutely, eyes focused on the screen.

The twins just whimpered and hid behind cushions.

FAST FORWARD

'I'm sure we're nearly there' Albus said, more to himself. He wouldn't admit he was close to wetting his knickers.

Voldermort shivered and nodded.

They ducked inside a cell as a shape moved past the end of the hall.

'If we could just get to the stairs' Albus whispered.

They waited a few moments, then moved back out.

'You realise we still need to get off this island' Voldermort argued quietly.

Albus couldn't be bothered to answer. They came to a door and he cautiously pushed it open. When nothing tried to eat him he sighed in relief and went through. Voldermort jumped and rushed to follow when there was a growl from the other end of the corridor.

Albus chose his steps carefully. The torches had all gone out the moment Voldermort's army had entered and the only light came from the tiny windows in each cell. He froze when his foot knocked against something then swooped for it when he realised it was wooden.

A broken wand.

Growling to himself he tossed it away. They both tensed when the sound of it hitting the floor echoed throughout the prison.

'Will you be quiet!' Voldermort hissed.

Dumbledore held his hands up in apology and they continued.

The only sounds now where the occasional growl or a sudden tap of footsteps.

Albus idly wondered if any of Voldermort's army were still alive.

They came to another door and he pulled it open.

The Stairs! Oh thank Merlin!

Forgetting themselves they started running, leaving the door to bang shut behind them.

The large brass handle clanged loudly.

They rushed out and found themselves in another corridor, one with no cells and thus no windows.

'Just along here and we're out' Albus gasped.

They paused when a growl sounded before them. They backed away slowly only to freeze when another came from behind.

Glowing eyes stared at them from the darkness. The black forms moved in for the kill.

P.A.G.E.B.R.E.A.K

Harry checked his watch. It had been four hours since Moldywart and his followers went inside. Mirage had flamed in twenty minutes ago to tell him the only ones left were the headmaster and the Dark Lord.

She should really patient that animal translation spell.

'I'm bored!' Fred whined.

'Me too!' George complained.

They'd amused themselves by playing card games in the main office. When that got boring they switched to game consoles.

'I must admit I'm getting tired' Remus said with a stretched and closed his book.

Just then a girlish scream reached their ears and then a lot of roaring.

'You reckon that was Moldy…'

'Or Fucker?' the twins asked.

Harry shrugged as Fawkes and Mirage flamed in. Followed by Dobby.

'_The threats have been eliminated' _Mirage reported.

'_Sadly it was the dark one who let out the scream' _Fawkes continued, looking downhearted.

'Fire bird shouldn't feel sad. Dobby saw bad Dumblydore soil himself' Dobby said with a giggle, trying to cheer up the phoenix.

It worked and Fawkes ruffled his feathers in amusement.

'Thanks guys. Think you can get the others. It's time to head on home for some sleep' Harry replied with a snigger.

The three nodded and disappeared. Harry turned to the twins who were rolling on the floor in stitches.

'Alright you two calm down. Once the critters are away we'll get the ones from the lower level back in their cells. Then we really need to get some sleep'.

After another half an hour the place was back to normal, minus some prisoners, and the group left for home. Each of them were asleep before they hit their pillows.

The Aurors who arrived at Azkaban the next day were in for a lovely surprise.


	25. Chapter 25

Harry was chosen to be the one to break the news to the teachers. Surprisingly they took it well. McGonagall became the new headmistress and picked Severus to be the deputy head.

After much discussion, Remus was brought back to co-teach DADA. Severus felt there was more than enough for him to do with all the paperwork Albus had left and teaching snot nosed kids. The two eventually married and after much argument it was agreed Severus would take a potion and carry their child. Little Evangeline was the apple of her father's eyes.

Ron and Ginny were soon kicked out the school. When they and their mother realised what had happened to Albus they packed up and moved to Russia, where they lived a quiet life until Molly attempted to trick a rich duke into marrying Ginny for the money. It didn't end well. Ron, not learning from his experiences, tried to attack the man and wound up rotting away in Russia's version of Azkaban for the rest of his days.

After graduation Harry and the twins opened a chain of orphanages, animal shelters and, of course, plenty of joke shops. They married a week after Harry left Hogwarts and Harry's been regretting it since. Only kidding, but seriously he just _had_ to pick the most sex crazed twins he could fine. Harry wound up producing a boy and a girl. Young James Arthur Potter-Weasley had vivid green eyes and dark red hair, while little Lily Sirius Potter-Weasley had the brown eyes of Fred and George and a cascade of black hair.

Hermione wound up working in one such animal shelter where she met the man of her dreams and they started a whirlwind romance ending with marriage and two point three kids. It took a few years but Harry eventually forgave her and they remained close friends.

Neville and Luna also married and had two children. They were constantly over visiting their "uncles at Potter manor.

Arthur got himself a higher up position in the ministry due to certain changes. An investigation into the mass deaths in Azkaban, which had nothing to do with Harry what so ever, led to Fudge being booted out and a better minister put in his place.

Bill and Fleur had a daughter and bought a lovely seaside home they named Shell Cottage.

Charlie continued to work at the dragon preserve, meeting up with a pretty brunette dragon handler and falling head over heels. They married a few years later and brought the Weasley family more pitter patterings of little feet.

Percy eventually came back to the family and apologised. He was quickly forgiven, since what he was saying about Dumbledore was partly true. During the time he was away he'd become close to Penelope Clearwater and both of them were welcomed back into the family. They married not long afterwards and their own children joined the rest, making Arthur a very proud grandfather.

Draco could never get over his grudge and fell victim to the Black family bond for attempting a sneak attack on Harry.

Nymphadora decided to quit her job and travel the world with her family. Finding herself smitten over another metamorphmagus. Their children were known the world over as the Masquerade Trio, since they had a tendency to use their ability to sneak into any and every social gathering and cause chaos.

The twins were so proud of them

Narcissa gracefully retired to France, picking up a few toy boys here and there but overall remaining single.

And to think all this started because a little boy, lived.

The End

_Just to give thanks to everyone who gave me ideas. You guys are awesome!_


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